long blogpostin sorry.
my first pregnancy was a fucking mess. no meds and after my c-section, i wanted to breatfeed so i fought through the post-partum depression to the point that i was ready to kill my baby because in some psychotic way, i felt like everything would magically be rainbows. but got on meds and therapy and worked through it.
so when i got pregnant the second time, i made sure to stay on a couple meds that were decently safe during pregnancy and made a plan with my psychiatrist as far as how dosage and stuff would change after birth. so overall working through pregnancy while addressing the depression and having a plan for afterwards helped
but as far as raising them, i cant sit here and tell you that just because i have some pills it was 10/10 no biggie. but i find that as they grow older, mistakes do happen. people have told me that from the start and i would brush it off, kind of like how people are like lol goodbye sleep. ok yea i get it. but really. there will be times where youll reflect on something you said or something you should have done and it wont feel good.
it sounds selfish, and i know that it is depression and shit just sucking energy and passion out of me, but there are days that i have to remind myself to make sure i spend some quality time with my kids. not just feed them, make sure homework is done, but nice non-routine stuff. even simple things like letting them pick dinner and if its dessert for dinner, sure. pick the movie, play a shit ton of board games, paint dads toenails while he naps.
when they were babies and toddlers, it really can be as simple as just sitting and singing with them.. sing with them while doing laundry or dishes. if i couldnt concentrate on getting shit cleaned up it was a cute reminder to have my kid tug on my shirt and sing a certain song and wed go through and pick up clothes or toys. ngl sort of irked the shit out of me some days cus all id want to do was wallow in how unfair depression is and how tired i was but i have these little people who look up to me for a kind word or touch. always remember, children love affection. hugs, holding hands crossing the road, a comforting backrub at nap time or during a cold, they all matter no matter how small it may seem to us. i give my kids random high fives and tell them how cool i think they are just because meanwhile insidePost too long. Click here to view the full text.