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Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear the mask!?
Those scores are on the low end of admissible; it's possible to get in, but it won't be easy. Try getting your GPA up if you can. (10*GPA+MCAT=66 or greater)
>references…what do you mean by this
You will need around 3-4 science professors' and a few non science prof's recommendation, in written form, to just have your application considered. The best case would have been to maintain a long term, friendly relationship with you science profs and have them know you on a first name basis. Failing that, you'll need to scramble and ask around right now with professors whose classes you did well in.
>I am thinking of doing other clubs if you can recommend me some options.
You'll need a service club or two, just to sell the idea that you're a humanitarian and rack up general volunteering hours. And then one minor hobby club to round your profile out. This isn't critical, but so common it's expected.
>any specific kind of volunteering I should ask for?
anything that introduces you to a hospital/clinical/medical environment, meaning you get to see first hand how medicine functions. I hear scribing is good, I certified as an EMT-B myself and shadowed some GP's.
>I am willing to stay in school an extra year or two if I need to in order to get the required credentials
That's good, but you'll need to be able to demonstrate that you made real progress during those extra years. A year or two of not doing much anything will kill your chances
>history of mental illness
keep that shit to yourself. You don't get in med school based on pity, but on whether they think you're capable of hacking it. Mental illness is a liability. You can include some bits of overcoming abuse though, they'd eat that shit up.
First off why do you want a girlfriend? Fuckbuddy, companionship, status symbol, to fix you of all your problem? Only two of those are worthwhile and you should know what they are.
Next up what are your standards? Because you sure as hell better be the equlivant of that. Either lower your standards (not reccommend) or bust ass to improve yourself. Nobody wants to date a deadbeat.
Basic hygiene and not sperging everywhere are the bare mininum, but having hobbies, a job, and a direction in life helps. Learn to dress yourself, get a good haircut, and don't be a lard ass either.. Take acting classes, toastmasters, or some shit if you suck hardcore at talking to people.
Next up go about like you'd make a friend, really. Find a something where you're likely to see the same person over and over again, like a hobby group or something. Start up a conversation and see where it goes. Don't force anything though, so if the girl's not into you just leave it be. If you hit it off try asking her to do something she likes and is low key. If you end up being just friends that's okay. She probably has a friend group whose similar to her and you could try your luck there.
Alternatively just try dating sites and have a profile picture with a puppy.
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A LOT OF LOYALTY FOR A HIRED GUN!
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Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man, before throwing him out of a plane?
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At least you can talk! Who are you?
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It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.
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If I pull that off, will you die?
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It would be extremely painful.
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You're a big guy.
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2 questions really.
Pt 1:I've lost hope of a serious relationship with my boyfriend for lying and being messy, to put it lightly. I moved back into my parents house (with the intention to move out soon), since I was constantly nagging and basically skeptical of everything he said.
But he's good company and a good lay. I cannot be friends with him, I'm too possessive. He seems even less invested and is blatantly lying more now, and I don't care about the long term effects of his behaviour, only a slight annoyance that he'd deceive me because I'm not as invested either.
Pt 2:I've had a guinea pig for a few years, brought it with me. Made the (stupid?) mistake of allowing bf to get his own for company, and my guinea pig was so much happier, and it'd feel inhumane to separate them now.
I've left the guinea pigs with him because in terms of finding a new flat etc they can be a burden, plus I'd have that extra guinea pig I don't care for much. So far it's been absolutely fine since I've been seeing him and the guinea pigs once a week/fortnight, but no clue what to do for breaking it off.
So wat do with bf
and wat do with guinea pigs.
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How do I deal with my bf wanting to spend some free time on his own?We're in ldr and he sometimes tells me i smother him. I dont see it because 3 hours of talking a day isnt considered long for me.
Most people just tell me to ''do my own thang'' as hes busy doing his things but….Talking to him is my favourite thing. It still hurts me.He told me numerous times that I shouldnt take it personally and that he just cant just do one thing (aka talking to me) for more than an hour otherwise he gets stressed out and that it has nothing to do with me. Yet, I still feel hurt. How do I cope with that feeling?
>Tl;dr : Im in LRD and I feel hurt whenever bf wants to go do other things. How do I cope with the feeling?
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Well my current bf was never into ''lets talk all day!'' thing so I dont think thats the case. I did have an ex EXACTLY like yours friend's (?) ex bf tho. He loved to talk all day and then he wanted more and more time alone…in the end he broke up with me.
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How does one build a social life from zero without being good looking and having good social skills? Am I fucked?
I was on the receiving end of this. It'd be like initially I'd come on for a little chat then left, and it began to start
"hey, you're finally on!"
"what were you up to that took such a long time today?"
"you're usually on for midday, is anything up?"
"when you said you'd brb you could've said it was for like an hour! I was sitting and waiting"
"oh, you'll be an hour? any chance it'll be less than that? I just always look forward to you chatting"
Do you have do any of that stuff? It makes you feel chained to be there at a certain time, or hurt the feelings of someone you care about. You have to decline invitations because there's someone online waiting on you. It can create resentment and unlike the mature person your boyfriend is being, I'd just get pissy and walk away from the computer without saying. And it was about an hour before I got pissy.
My advice wouldn't be too new; DO find your own thing. But more I'd say is make sure there are times that you're too busy for him. That you're already doing something while he wants to talk. Hang out with your friends for the whole day, only wishing he has a good day first thing in the morning.
I don't mean it in the manipulative way, but with my ldr it felt like he basically depended on me for happiness. When he started going to uni, telling me about actual events instead of "I was just gaming till you came on" the dynamic became healtier".
What a wall of text. Sorry. If you have been pushing the "I missed you" thing which could've passively guilted him, I'd suggest trying to lock down one solid hour of quality time a day, with one or two days watching a movie together. That activity definitely helped us out.
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oh yes…im guilty of all those things. we decided to do the whole ''one hour a day of quality time'' a day and i hope it will work out!
I just arrived at my dorm in Tokyo, where I'll be staying for the next 11 months. I held back my tears saying goodbye to my parents, but y'know, it's sad.
The entire plane ride and then lugging my shit through god damn Tokyo metro wasn't bad. I wasn't panicking or as anxious as I thought I was, and everything was fine. Everything was starting to fall in place!! But right now, I'm so overwhelmingly sad.
I got here a bit late-ish, so I didn't really feel like leaving to go find a supermarket and got ramen from the vending machine downstairs and I looked at it and felt so pathetic and sad. I can barely bring myself to eat it.
Am I homesick? Why am I so sad? I just feel so alone, but all I want to do is isolate myself from my suitemates (who I'm desperate to be friends with but I've barely been able to communicate with them because of packing/I haven't adjusted to using Japanese 24/7 again). I brought my favorite toy that I've had since I was a baby so that I could have that bit of home with me but all I did with it so far is lay in bed and cry.
All I can do right now is cry and complain about feeling so alone and sad. I don't know what I want advice on, really. Maybe how to stop being such a sad crybaby fuck. Part of me feels like this is just a huge mistake. A huge, 11 month long mistake that I can't escape from. I'm supposed to be happy… I wanted this so bad and now I have it and I just want to go home and go back to my home university and laugh with my friends. I'm a mess right now lolcow, please help me.
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You want to concentrate on prevention more than treatment. Prevention = a face wash, garnier is a good brand, get one which says it will get rid of oils and clogged pores. Bonus points for an exfoliating one (but only use that one every other day). Use the non-exfoliating facial wash once a day if you have dry/combination skin, twice if you've got oily/normal skin.
For treatment there's a LOT of options. Cheapest is baking soda, the most expensive is one of those lasers that gets rid of spots and clogged pores.
I would advise stocking up on biore nose strips (they get rid of blackheads), charcoal face masks (ebay, from korea, cheapest ones) and getting some peroxide gel for your spots (if you have any).
Another method of prevention is to make sure you wash off your makeup when you don't need it, not touch your face, not put powders/baby powders which will clog your pores on too often etc. basically what I like to call 'facial hygiene'
If you're using a moisturiser esp. a night one it might be a better idea to switch to a gel based moisturiser (you basically want to avoid clogging your pores with oils)
Your diet and exercise regime is also pretty important. Drink tonnes of water, eat your veg, all the usual stuff and this should help you with clogged pores. Swimming and sauna every other week helps. I like to think sweating it out helps my skin, but iono if it's supported by science.
Not that anon, but Couch to 5K was a godsend when I first started getting into jogging. Each workout session is about 30 minutes, and the whole program is laid out for you step by step and tells you how long to run, how long to walk, etc. You'll be running every other day, so you can do some basic strength training (squats, push ups, sit ups, and lunges go a long way if you don't have any weights) with one day of rest per week.
As for cutting calories, just try to spend the first few weeks eating what ever you like, but just control portions and don't go over your daily limit of calories. Soon you will start craving healthier options that will fill you up and fuel your workouts.
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Watch out wall of txt coming through.
My younger sister (20) and I (22) moved out of our parents house together and now I'm regretting it. We moved to Minneapolis from Nebraska so she could go to art school and so we could both leave a bad living situation that neither of us want to go back to.
We've been living together for little over a month and I'm getting really short and pissy with her because we're not splitting the expenses/chores/effort 50/50 like I tried talking to her about before we moved. It's so fucking hard to talk to her because she's sensitive to criticism and embarrassed when I confront her on something she's not doing right or should do differently. Before we even moved, I asked her if she's going to get a part time job to help out with bills and rent and at first she wouldn't even give me an answer.
“You know that if we move I'm not gonna be able to support us both”
“So do you plan on getting a job”
“I don't know”
“If we move I can't act like your mom like I am now and make your appointments and talk on the phone for you, etc etc”
“Yeah, I know. I'm not forcing you to move with me.”
That was the conversation every time I'd try to fucking talk with her about living together and sharing the responsibilities. The first time we went apartment hunting we only looked at one because I got fucking pissed at the hotel when she heard room service knocking and I didn't, and just yelled HEY and looked at me pissed off and expecting me to do something. But when I asked “What? Why do you look pissed? What?” she just rolled her eyes and stopped talking to me. Then I finally heard the person knocking and answered it myself, and I was so fucking pissed that she not only expected me to get the door when I didn't hear it but had the audacity to act mad at me like I did something stupid and wouldn't tell me someone's at the door.
She was seeing a counselor before we moved for depression and anxiety. They gave her some meds that she says help her but I frankly don't see a difference. Her counselor would give her assignments to make her address her social anxiety like pump her own gas or go grocery shopping by herself, but she would always have an excuse not to. We shared a car at that time and we liked to drive around together so I would pump the gas. I tried a few times to get her to do it herself but she's so stubborn, she'd rather go without something like fucking food and gas than to get it herself. She never went grocery shopping by herself because “I don't really need anything” and would wait for me or our mom to go shopping to get something she needed.
Now that we're living together I pay for all the groceries, do the shopping, pay the bills, keep the entire apartment clean, cook, and on top of all that I have to help her if she needs to leave the house for something. We both need new licenses but we can't get them on our own time. I have to wait until she's got a day off from school because she doesn't want to go alone.
I still love and want to talk to my mom and half-brother and she wants to cut them out of her life because she's resentful of the mistakes they made when we were still living with them. She doesn't want to talk to them on the phone, or go visit them during the holidays. She won't talk to our Aunt either, who loves us and wants to be a part of our lives more. She doesn't want to make friends at school, or do extracurriculars, I don't know what the fuck she wants. She doesn't know what she's going to do for a career after (if) she graduates art school, probably live off of me some more.
This is exactly what I knew would happen but I fucking moved with her anyway. Me and her have been through a lot of shit together growing up and grew close because of it, and we're both screwed up because of it too. But I'm really starting to resent her. I thought she'd step up to the plate when we moved, because she's admitted she knows that I can't do it all by myself. But that's exactly what I'm doing. I want to get her back into counseling but her excuse for everything is “I don't have enough time because of school”. Which isn't true because we'll watch tv together for a few hours when she could be doing something else. I know people need breaks sometimes but if she can't manage her time better so she can get a fucking job to help out and go to counseling to maybe help her with this, then idk lol. I'm really angry and frustrated right now, sorry for wall of text.
Living with my sister and she's not doing her share of responsibilities and I don't know how to talk to her about it or what to do.
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Something really weird just happened to me and I'm kind of scared.
I was just on the phone with my boyfriend and he was asking me about my university modules and when he could come visit me, and I began telling him, then I stopped.
I couldn't remember what modules I had, so I started going "er, er…", but then all of a sudden I couldn't remember what subject I was studying, then I forgot what university I was at.
He was calling my name down the phone like "Anon… Anon, are you okay? Anon" but it sounded like he was calling me from the other end of a tunnel.
I realised I wasn't speaking and got spooked, so I sat up and tried to speak but I couldn't, nothing was coming out, and then it was like my brain just shut-down, I was sat there able to see but like… just wasn't thinking. Of anything. Just sat there existing. I was really dizzy and disorientated and shaking.
This lasted about 10 seconds and then suddenly everything came flowing back in and now I'm fine.
Does that sound like I just had a mini-stroke to anybody else?
I'm really humbled that there were people worried about me. Ambulance came last night, checked my blood pressure which was fine, blood sugar was fine, temperature was very high and I was very hot to touch so they took me to a hospital to get checked out.
Waited to see a doctor for 2 hours and 30 minutes since the place was packed with fucking degenerate drunks who had nothing wrong with them clogging up the waiting room. The doctor I saw was completely useless, told me that this simple partial seizure things mainly occurs in children so it wasn't that.
I was like, "Hang on fam, mainly… so it DOES actually occur in adults then?" and he told me yeah but it's rare so it's not that. I was like, ffs, okay whatever. At this point I just wanted to go back home.
Tested all my reflexes and stuff, cognitive function, balance etc. At that point it'd been 5 hours since it had all happened and I felt completely back to normal, so he said he wasn't going to run any tests or anything, and that what I experienced was probably due to stress.
I am frustrated because right now this is probably the least stressed out I have ever been in my life.
I'm eating well, I exercise every night, I drink shit loads of water, I very rarely drink alcohol, I don't take drugs, I'm on top of all of my work/education and I was lying in my bed talking to my boyfriend and relaxing when it happened.
I am not stressed in the slightest, and even so, I've never heard anything like that happen because of stress.
I still have a black hole in my memory that's just gone, and scrolling up looking at the posts I made after this happened, I only faintly remember making them and even then it feels like a dream rather than reality, but the last 2 hours of what I was doing before the weird thing happened has just, gone. I know that I was exercising because that's what I always do at that time every night, but I don't remember doing it or what music/television I was watching on my laptop which was something I always put on as well.
Guess I'll just clock it down to a one off and keep an eye out for it in the future. The human brain is weird and mysterious.
This is really trivial, but I can't eat chocolate ice cream and I can't figure out why. Growing up, I used to eat it whenever I got the chance because it was my favorite flavor (and still is), but suddenly one day when I was about 10, I started getting TERRIBLE stomachaches from eating it. Like, I'd be on the toilet for two hours if I ate a small cone of chocolate ice cream. I pushed the limit a few years back again and figured out I can eat about a little less than a spoonful and it won't affect me, but otherwise, I just can't have it.
I'm lactose intolerant but I don't think that has to do with anything since I can eat other flavors of ice cream just fine, and dairy products don't bother me unless I straight up drink a glass of milk. I can also eat regular chocolate bars and shit just fine too.
It's so dumb but I haven't been able to properly eat chocolate ice cream in over a decade and it kills me because I love it so much and every time I try to google it, I just get shit like "oh it's lactose intolerance." It's ONLY chocolate ice cream, ugh :(
I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. Mostly, I can't function because of severe, crippling anxiety and insomnia. I think the insomnia is caused by the anxiety.
I've started avoiding everything. I can barely go to class, I avoid people if I think I may have to mention something even remotely negative, and I have trouble finding the energy to do anything but worry myself into indescribable depression.
However, I'm trying really hard to see a therapist again. I promise myself every week that I will make it to classes, because I don't want to waste money. I'm trying to get a job, and I'm volunteering as well. But I know I'm an awful person inside and I'm haunted by every awful wrong thing I have ever done.
How do you guys deal with anxiety? It's honestly ruining my life. I feel paranoid and afraid constantly, angry at myself, I never sleep, and I'm terrified all the time of failure. (I'm sure these are things to talk to a therapist to, and I should have an appointment this week if I can convince myself to go outside.) I guess I just want to know if anyone else deals with unbearable anxiety that ruins their life, and how they try to get over it.
(Sorry for being vague. I'm afraid that if I post details about my life someone irl who hates me might find out and expose me or something. Like I said, I'm paranoid about everything.)
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>he would ask to have "meow meows", which was his term for sex.
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>tend to his weewee
>touch his peepee until goop came out
I really don't like cats. I don't know why, I remember liking them when I was younger and then all of a sudden I just didn't like them anymore. It freaks me out because sometimes I just want to punch a cat or something, and then I think to myself "Oh my god, what are you thinking? Would you punch your dog? Or a puppy? Why are you so fucked up? You can't punch a cat, that's not right!" and I feel so terrible. I never act on these impulses of course, but I feel so wrong. I love dogs and I can't understand why people would be so cruel and hate them, so I try to force myself to think of my bad thoughts, except focusing on dogs so I can ground myself.
Ugh, what's wrong with me? I don't want to make myself like cats, but at the very least, stop feeling so violent towards them. :(
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As someone who is physically unattractive, how do I look more confident/better?
I see confident unconventional-looking people all the time and they seem SO much more attractive to me than stereotypical "beautiful" people. Does anyone understand what I mean? I just want to develop a 10/10 personality and charm the shit out of people.
People have told me I can be very charming one-on-one… but being in front of crowds gives me such anxiety. Major anxiety. I'm already thinking about going to therapy and asking for anti-anxiety meds.
Is there anything I can do to increase my charisma?
Yeah they really doesn't make sense to me.
Sometimes I wonder if I missed some kind of developmental stage of my life that decides these things..
This is going to sound mean, but I am being serious and sincere: could you perhaps be a psychopath?
If you do a bit more research on this, please keep in mind that it's dangerous to self diagnose anything–remember that labels are there to help us discuss things, not to box us in.
There are others who don't feel emotional attachments. It's not unheard of, though it is uncommon.
Haha no offense taken. It's an interesting suggestion. I think it seems so edgy though, you know?
Or extreme? I mean the definition of a psychopath sounds really dysfunctional - I've never been arrested or intentionally hurt pets or lied for the sake of lying, etc
But I guess it's worth considering this lack of connection could be some form of mental disorder
I appreciate your time/reassurance, Anon. It's nice to know I'm not alone, at least!
Psychopath perhaps is too extreme–I'm sorry, I am not a healthcare professional and it's the first thing that occurred to me. Antisocial personality disorder would probably have been a better term. The reason I thought that was because of your inability to create emotional bonds with others, your manipulation of friends and relatives, and the feeling that others must be faking it.
Psychopath has a lot of negative energy attatched to it and so does mental disorder. I'm not trying to suggest that there is anything wrong with you or that you should go to a doctor. It's important to note that the only ones studied are the ones who can't blend in. If you're functioning in society then no worries.
Generally speaking, I really hope that this aspect of your life doesn't eat you up too much. It's nice for us to try to reach a better understanding of ourselves, but too much navelgazing makes anyone unhappy.
I have this one friend. TL;DR: mentally ill legbeard with attachment issues
They're clinically depressed, have anxiety, and have attempted suicide several times in the past. Over the summer (we're in highschool), she completely broke it off with our friend group of six or seven other girls and a couple of guys. I'm currently her only friend, everyone else she either cut ties with or drove away by being super fucking autistic. She's been in several online relationships, one with a 26 year old (she's not even 17), and claims to have gone "all the way" with one of her skype bf's.
She always brags about her "double D and growing" tits, when in reality they're saggy AND covered in pimples. I tried to get another dude to hang out with us so there would be someone else, but it turns out he was into me, she was into him, and he was very much not into her. She's been kinda off since then, making backhanded comments whenever the three of us are together (we're all in a language club).
As far as appearance goes, total legbeard. Greasy dishwater blonde hair, graphic tee's and shorts from the guy's department. I take care of myself (makeup, edgelord clothes without being too 666), and she gives me shit for it.
College is coming around and she's going to community college,bc she's dumb as a stump despite claiming to be "way smarter than everyone thinks". Her excuse is that it's less expensive, but any college would give her a huge fucking financial aid package. She wants me to hang around in the state so she can visit me whenever she's bored, but I hope to allah that I get accepted to a school that's 6+ hours away.
Last bit of exposition: I think she's got a weird obsession with me. In elementary school, she'd throw a fit if I wanted to do anything besides play yu yu hakasho(sp) with her, ignoring the fact that I didn't even watch the show. In middle school, the same thing would happen when I tried to hang out with my other friends, some who became part of our friend group. Now, she keeps saying stuff to me like "If you were a guy, we'd totally be fucking" "if I was going to be a lesbian, it'd be with you/if we were lesbians we would be together". It's pretty fucking weird.
She's also super racist, calling black people niggers within earshot and saying she hates asians.
What the fuck do I do? I don't want to be responsible for another suicide attempt, but jesus christ this chick is B A T S H I T. I've been pushing her away a little more, trying to hang out with my other friends or spending more time at tennis practice or the gym. Help me before I become part of a murder/suicide
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This is more of a PC related question.
So, I noticed this popped up while I was watching something full screen on youtube. When I exited full screen there were about 7 other identical “File Download” windows open and I don't know if I should have but I just clicked cancel on all of them. I had just torrented 2 movies tonight from kickasstorrents and I had Norton 360 but it was expired. I just got the latest Norton and am currently running a full system scan. Should I be shitting my pants? I googled the file name and nothing really relevant came up and when I googled “us-e-node9 smartyads” the only seemingly relevant link was for a french pc troubleshooting forum or something.
json is java script and some ad service is trying to make your browser run it. the script itself could be harmless or potentially dangerous, looks like you're using IE? you should really use something else like firefox/chrome with adblock.
tl;dr you should be fine but use a different browser.
Keep cutting contact. If you aren't willing to flat out tell her why/that you don't want to see her, just keep making excuses. Ignore her in person if you think you can.
It might hurt her but don't feel to blame if she makes threats or attempts suicide. If you're really concerned contact her family/call 911 to her location. But don't respond to her. If you bend or reply or give her attention she'll see it as working and resort to these tactics to control you in the future.
Just wipe your hands clean and run, Anon. Honestly.
Not that Anon but from my experience Norton might as well be malware itself.
Download spyware doctor and adaware and have them scan your pc, (both should have free versions). Also clear your browser cache/cookies, incase the problem is stored there
In advance: if either of those programs finds mal/adware it can't remove because it's currently running, restart your PC into safemode and let them scan again
Wouldn't freak out either way, just good to do to make sure/since you've been torrenting
Seconding everything >>43519
Just know that no matter what you are not in charge of her life and you are not responsible should she decide to hurt herself again.
She is drowning and attempting to pull you down with her.
Keep to your escape plan and best of luck.
I don't know what the fuck is up with me.
For some background, during the months leading up to my break up with my ex, things were rocky and I knew she probably didn't return my feelings anymore. I spent the mornings telling myself "it's fine, if she didn't like you, she'd break up with you already. everything is fine!" and I would go about my day normally. At night, I went nuts and would scream in my head about how much of a terrible girlfriend I was, how shitty I was, that my girlfriend didn't like me back anymore and she was just leading me on (which she was lol). I flip flopped like this for maybe 2 months or so until we finally broke up. Hell broke loose in my head so I went to therapy and fixed myself.
Now it's been several years, some shit has happened and I'm doing the same shit in my head again. Rather than telling myself whether this person hates/likes me or not, it's mostly spending the mornings being a normal person and being productive and happy and ignoring it. Then at night it blows up in my face and I feel so destructive towards myself.
I really hate it, have any of you guys experienced this? How the fuck do I stop being such a sad whiny piss baby? I'm so sick of this shit and being sad lol.
I get so fucked up before I get my period I don't know what to do
I normally have unwarranted self-importance/ego/general lack of empathy
But when I'm about to get my period I get all fucked up and frustrated/violent, random bouts of crying, hopelessness, suicidal, very self destructive, anxious? I think that's the feeling, anyway, I feel a looming sense of dread and constant cold sweat
What the fuck fixes this? If I go on birth control or something, might that help? I'm in my mid twenties but I've never really tried the pill
This is really too much to deal with every fucking month
Right now I'm at work trying not to cry, freezing from the cold sweat. I don't even have anything to feel bad about, this is retarded
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How does one go about getting a job? Is it luck? Do you just keep applying until someone gives you a chance? Just thinking about getting an interview and how I'm probably going to have to lie about how much I love people is making me nervous
I live in a sort of small town so, my sister who's volunteered before has difficulty getting a job/interview, it's pretty devastating (maybe it's because she's only volunteered for a month?). I've only started to apply to volunteer at my local library, but I'm scared that won't enough
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>1. Immigration is the best solution to Japan's demographic crisis, and Japan should take several million refugees from the middle east
>2. Japanese women are oppressed by the patriarchy, even worse than the West
>3. Japanese are evil! They use 2D waifus to blackmail their women into compliance
>4. Yes, which is why Japan is backwards and dying. They need to take an example from Germany and Sweden
Where's my SJW medal?
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How do you broach the height subject with guys you meet online?
I am 5'6" and I have had two guys now claim they were 5'7" and they were definitely more like 5'5" or my height. I just met this great guy and he's Asian so I'm worried that he will lose interest if he isn't taller than me / when he finds out my height. :(
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Your call m8, keep going after guys that won't care about you or just find a genuine good guy not a "nice" one.
I was in the same boat as you. I couldn't figure it out. Like I am into skinny, tall, nerdy, yet style conscious and fit guys. I was attracting these short, big boned, bulky guys who dressed like hillbillies and I'm not even in the south.
I totally changed how I dressed (from average college student wearing VS Pink with uggs and straight blonde hair, very natural makeup, cute anime shit like phone cases) to a little more mature (no logos, nice blouses / dresses / work clothes, more makeup / sexier makeup, no weeaboo shit) and it has really changed things and I also think it made me more attractive.
Unless you think you're the one unfairly judging them (i.e. they're actually nice but you dismissed them etc.), then there's no point trying to force yourself to like them. You will never like them, it's never going to happen, no matter how hard you try, or however much time you spend with them. Like above anon said, they'll know you don't like them.
Maybe join some clubs, go to places where people appreciate your hobbies, maybe even some online groups? Even like above anon said, if you get some work or do some volunteering, take some classes - those are great ways to meet people. There are plenty of ways to branch out, it doesn't have to be just through your friend.
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I'm feeling very low right now.
I try to base most of the things I do on life upon a principal logic. Unnecessary emotion clouds your judgement, but I'm sitting here trying to bite back tears anyway.
I filled with so much fucking sorrow, and this isn't the kind of emotion you can just logic away because there is no logic to it. Every day there is untold levels of suffering occurring beyond levels of present human comprehension and it's all committed by our hands. We know what it is that we do, but then we do nothing because we're just so goddamn comfortable, it makes it all worth it.
The reality of the universe is that there is no divine principality or grand cosmic justice. People do monstrous things and they get away for it. Karma never comes for them. Sometimes I think the truly intelligent ones who have imbued themselves with religion, who've managed to dupe themselves into such a state of delusion that they'e no longer forced to suffer the truth, because in the end the big, bad flamin' goatman will come get them so it's not their responsibility to try and make it better.
This isn't a case of babby's first awakening to the reality of the human condition, I know what we are, but sometimes it just gets too much. Sometimes it feels like it would be better to not feel at all rather than sit here and endure this, but it'd be even worse if I was the kind of person that didn't give a fuck at all. It doesn't matter how much meat or eggs or milk I give up, how much fur and leather I abstain from, I've still got that fucking L'Oréal mascara on my desk, I'm still typing this on this dirty, useless, garbage laptop.
My very existence means I'm willingly complicit in the cycle, but at the same time I don't want to die. I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride.
How do you guys cope. I can't block it out. I'm having difficulty sleeping.
The thing is, he's had plenty of opportunity to gtfo. If he's not into me, why keep replying?
Idk about everyone else, but if I'm not at all interested in a guy, I don't give him any attention. If I just want to be friends with a guy, I'll casually mention a crush/boyfriend/whatever. Since men are simpler than women, I assume if he's talking to me, he doesn't completely hate me and at least wants to be friends, ya know?
He spent our first date telling me about technical things, and in incredible detail. At the time, I thought he was just super smart - which he is. But he really didn't ask me about myself. Again, I chalked it up to being awkward and smart. But now, after messaging him a bit more, the Aspie thing seems plausible. Idk.
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I have a constant dormant looming urge to do uppers. I haven't done them since April. Obviously I have to continue avoiding them, but has anybody ever taken supplements or found they were deficient in a mineral that may help those urges be less frequent?
I'm not particularly healthy.
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I have to move soon, but am really conflicted as to whether to stay in the place where I grew up or move closer to my extended family, which is almost 800 miles away.
My extended family would welcome me, but we haven't kept in contact for a long time until recently, so I worry about moving nearer to them and feeling like an outsider. We also have pretty differing beliefs and cultural habits.
Objectively speaking, where they live is 100x better than where I live now. Rent and health/care insurance is way cheaper, minimum wage is higher, and mental health services are easier to get. For my career choice, there are better opportunities there as well.
I'm just reluctant to leave what little I have left that's familiar to me. There's nothing holding me back except that. I have no friends or immediate family, no job or school to quit, etc. I can pretty much start my life over there without struggling (mostly financially) as much as I would here.
What if I end up hating it there? What if it makes my shitty mental state even worse? Give me some advice, guys. I gotta make up my mind soon.
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What do you guys think about philtrum piercings? Usually, I think visible piercings and tattoos are trashy, but for some reason, I think this one is cute. I'd consider getting one, but I feel like I'd look silly.
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Does anybody ever feel like they're not really part of the world. Not that you're particularly special or unique, but more like you're living in a world populated by cardboard cutouts? Sometimes it feels like everything else is tethered to the ground by these little strings, but I'm not really attached so I'm just floating around instead.
Sometimes I think I might act pretty weird. I mean, I know they're not really 'weird' weird, but they're not really normal either. The other day it was heaving it down with rain but I needed to walk into the city centre so I went out without an umbrella or a coat because I wanted to be wet, like seriously dripping with my hair plastered to my head and my makeup running down my face because there's something very real about the rain, or sometimes when I'm out and about at the start of a straight street I'll close my eyes to walk down it and I'll just listen and feel. I think other people probably do this too maybe.
Sometimes when I walk I'll arrive at my destination and I'll not have any real memory of the journey, just kind of echos of it. I spend a lot of time in the background just watching and observing people too, because I feel so separate from it all, but I don't have any positive or negative feelings about it either because I'm a background character in a fog.
I just wanted to know if anybody else felt the same. Somebody once told me that it sounds like derealisation/depersonilisation and looking up descriptions of it, it's pretty dead-on, especially the sensations of floating through the world which was weirdly exact.
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Fuck, idk where to start.
So, there's this girl that my boyfriend and another friend of his plays video games with regularly. Cool/whatever/idc
The thing is, she wants to start playing with ME. This is a problem because I really don't think I will like her. I'm usually sitting next to bf when she's gaming with him and she pretty much just parrots the memes he and his other friend come up with, is le leddit fag, 2edgy5me because she takes breaks between games to smoke cigarettes and weed. I'm pretty introverted, so having to force myself to socialize with someone I have no chemistry with really drains me. When I'm playing games, I'm just trying to chill and relax. What do I do? Idk if I should just ignore her or what… I really hope she doesn't frequent this website.
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My cat is sleeping a lot lately and seems a bit depressed. His nose is a bit dry too, I won't get paid untill next week and I'm worried there is something wrong with him. Wonder if the heat is getting to him. Any more experienced cat owners with advice?
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No we've been in the same apartment since the day I got him, he's been always a scaredycat since the day I got him. He doesn't like strangers much and can only relax when we're around. Doesn't like playing with toys, he only likes playing with my sisters hairbands lol. Guess I should buy some treats tomorrow, he's only been eating chicken and normal cat food lately maybe that's why he's in a bad mood. He's always been grumpy but he's extra grumpy this week.
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I thought of doing it a couple of times but my mom scared something will happen to him because of it, maybe I should try.
Heh yeah, he has couple of spots the couch, under the table, balcony when the sun is hitting there and in front of the TV when the family is home. I'm slowly building him a small scratching post/cat house lately but I keep postponing the house part because of work, the woodwork is gonna take some time.
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Anyone here play otomes? Is it true people throw money at them like crazy? Would you say there enough of an English-speaking market to support a patreon for a promising game of this sort?
Any recommended titles that can be found on torrents/ftp?
>mfw I found an audience for text-based adventure games that are NOT all about porn
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As an extremely shy and awkward guy please make some moves, I'm generalizing probably but we are constantly afraid of being ridiculed for makng moves or getting rejected so we don't make moves unless we are sure that you won't ridicule us and no I'm not a robot. Don't expect guys like us to be dominant either.
I need some advice about my ana mother but I don't even think I can get this from the internet.
First off, I really respect my mother. She was a young single parent with no support who fed me and brought me up better than I could imagine managing myself however being a human being she has her own issues. She used to be anorexic and throughout my childhood her battle with staying thin was really present, she always made sure I was well fed and told me I was perfect the way I was if I ever felt chubby, but at the same time she wasn't applying the same logic to her own body and would laugh about people she hated being fatter than her etc. I'm not blaming her for how I developed my own eating disorders but they happened, however I'm now a grown adult and have tried to overcome it. Recently I made reference to struggling with that as a teenager and she pretty much laughed in my face and told me that there was no way I ever had an eating disorder, she has that weird competitive vibe that all the crazy anas have.
I'm starting to worry about my siblings, I don't think my mother should be allowed to call people fat or should be allowed to express her own feelings about her own body in from of them. This isn't haes bullshit, I don't want my siblings to grow up thinking deathfat is healthy, but I just don't want to see the same connotations and ideas implanted.
I can't tell her how to raise her kids, I can't tell her how to police her own feelings towards her body and if I tell her she gave me an eating disorder it will be WW3, but I don't know what to do. I've suggested she doesn't call herself fat in front of them in case they get the wrong idea about body image but we got into an argument about me 'policing her own feelings' I don't know what else to suggest.
If you have different ideals that will make it hard to do the long term grown up adult stuff (kids etc) but if you're not sexually compatible you're not getting the benefits of a young fun type relationship either.
Maybe you need to take a long look and decide why you want to be with him. Is it actually him you want, or just the feeling of having someone to love that cares for you too? If you're certain it's him you want, you need to confront him about spicing things up. Opposites are fine but there needs to be compromise.
What's the best place/way to meet more traditional girls?
I'm reserved and would love to find someone else that's the same way.
Yeah, I'm not denying that much, it was sort of that it felt good to start with, but it's honestly that the alternative to it is being really distressed over whatever. If I'm out of it, I feel chill, and kind of happy. I suppose it's closer to self medication than anything else, I do similar with alcohol in that I can't drink without drinking to the point of unconsciousness. But that's easy to handle, I just don't keep alcohol in the house.
I don't really want to bring this up to therapists because as soon as they think you're a risk of addiction it's pretty much impossible to get medication that I do need at points, because people can abuse them.
I don't know, maybe the solution is just as easy as simply just dealing with it until I'm not in pain anymore, because I'm not going to lie for scripts, and the pain I'm dealing with won't last forever.
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Linda from Bob's Burgers.
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Sorry for bumping this dead thread, but I need advice.
I've been rejected from every job I've applied for in the past couple of months (which is a lot) and it's becoming a real hassle, as I really need money and I don't know anyone who can even get me a good word in anywhere.
However, I can draw anime girls. Usually I just draw normal fluffy stuff, but I remember reading that people will pay a fair amount of money for art of their fetish or whatever. At this point, I don't really care. I'll draw an inflated furry in a diaper if it means money.
I'm not really sure where to go to do this though. Can anyone tell me where a good place to start is?
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Give up, or keep trying?
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>It's not you it's me
I.e. you're not Chad, give up move on.
Repost from 4ch /adv/, i'm desperate.
I think i'm "in love"/infatuated, but i wish i wasn't. I have a history of forcing the feeling of being in love with someone just because i was so addicted to it, i did it for years, and haven't had an actual genuine relationship where i was actually in love for real, ever. So i went single for the longest time in my life now (8 months), and stopped searching for a new partner completely. I even tried "forcing" love and infatuation a few times just to see if that behaviour was still triggered, and it's not. I thought i was finally fucking free. Until a few days ago. I've known this guy for YEARS online (never met), we have an insane ammount of shit in common and none of these feelings were present before. I'm convinced my mind is going through some kind of love-addiction-withdrawal, like how it feels like when you get of a real drug. Feels fine for a few months, and suddenly you have an urge to do it out of nowhere.
I'm convinced there is no "the one", love is just a short-sighted chemical reaction to get us to reproduce, and it never ever lasts more than a few years at most. I sincerely don't believe in "eternal love". The only love i'm willing to accept is the one you feel with a family member you care about, or friends that you've known for years. Infatuation HAS to be bullshit, this whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" or "husband/wife" crap is just a romanticized concept, just like any other.
I feel like i'm going insane, i don't want to fall back into my teenage dreamworld, it's not real and only does damage in the long run, right..?
I hate this, it makes me feel like shit. It doesn't even feel "good" to be in love like it used to, it makes me feel physically ill. He's such a wonderful beautiful cool fucking person, god why does my body have to react this way? I don't want these feelings.
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So, I've been really desperate for money lately. Like other anon I have applied for so many jobs in the past few months and all rejections.
I got an offer from a place called "Cara" on a sugar daddy website I was signed up to, so I checked it out. After texting one of the numbers, it seems to be a… Nude companionship thing? Where basically dudes come in and chat with you while you're in your knickers, or get a massage. They can request you to be topless or nude too. The website was very adamant about there being no sex involved, and I want to believe them. The money is good and I'm desperate.
By the way, this is in Australia so it's all legal. They seem to say they're able to provide papers too to prove it. I'm not really sure if I should go for it. I still live at home and I'm not sure how I would explain it to my parents as they're still protective.
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A few years ago, I moved in with my parents because I made poor decisions. I'm correcting them while I work and pay down debt. I'm also weighing the option of returning to school.
I want to pursue a relationship because I've been putting it off for too long and I don't want to die alone. Should I even bother given debt + living at home? Should I put it off further until I can demonstrate more responsibility or hope someone doesn't care I live at home?
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I don't really know what your debt is like or the limits on repayment options for loans, but if you got a combination of govt. and private loans, you have more options for repayment if you move out and live on your own. Some plans include taking your tax information and monthly income and give you a lower payment based more on what they think you could pay.
However, if that situation isn't available to you, maybe hold off on bringing somebody "over" until you're more interested in them? You might just need to tell them the truth.
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How do I stop the suicidal thoughts? Meds and therapy not working.
I'd like some advice so I'm going to try to exexplain my situation without sounding like a cunt (which I probably am but fine…)
I've been friends with a girl since we were 9-10 years old. Long friendship, we're best friends and talk daily. We're currently in our early to mid 20s.
I can't imagine my life without her but recently she's been pissing me off a lot. She's always had a bad relationship with her family so she relies on approval from guys; often changing her personality according to the guy she's dating.
In her late teens she ran away from home to be with a guy who ended up cheating on her with another male and then kicked her out to move in with the gay dude. That incident really destroyed her self esteem and she's gotten worse since then.
She comes back home, years pass, she meets new guy and becomes friends with him (a shy, self conscious virgin). Guy crushes on her and asks her to date him, she tells me she doesn't like him and says no.
Months pass, she starts dating him just so she won't be alone because she feels sad for being single and because she doesn't wanna "hurt his feelings". Says she wants to give him a chance.
Girl keeps trying to get attention from other men, has cheated on him and is attention whores whenever possible. If a guy gives her just a tiny bit of attention she won't let him go. She accepts when dudes humiliate her and has sex with them because she can't say no to men.
I privately tell her she shouldn't cheat on the guy she's with since she said she didn't want to hurt his feelings to begin with. Girl cries and acts dramatic and says I don't care about her feelings otherwise I wouldn't have said anything on her cheating.
Calling her out on her behavior was super hard since I know I'm naturally a very judgemental person so i try to keep my mouth shut whenever possible.
I feel bad, so I apologize and we forget about it… but now I can't stand being around her because she is two faced, cheats and lies.
Is this just a phase? Should I talk to her again? Am i being too judgmental (because i know i can be)? If yes, is there a way i can stop thinking like I do?
I don't wanna end our friendship but i feel like we're living different phases of our lives (she's a NEET; I recently graduated and have a job and just started a relationship) and i cant associate with an immature person who cries and acts like a victim when called out on her hypocrisy. I also feel bad for the guy she's dating because i know he is going to get really hurt.
I have a crush on one of my friends for quite a while now. I told her about it a year ago or so. She wasn't interested in me. I thought I could deal with it, and for some time it worked, I started to be less obsessed over her, although I'm still in love to this day. She recently got a boyfriend and that just devastated me, both mentally and physically. It doesn't help that I'm dealing with depression since many years (I actually tried to commit suicide once), and meeting her made it far worse.
Just knowing the fact that someone else is making her happy in a special way makes me wanna cry and hate myself for not being good enough. I know this is common, happens to everyone all the time, being rejected is part of life yadayada. But this is the first time it happened to me, and I haven't been able to meet more women or feel remotely attracted to anybody else. Furthermore, I'm unattractive as fuck, and trust me when I say I'm not making this up.
Anyway, we still chat regularly and I try to act as cheerful as possible, but I know for a fact that I became her last resource when there's no one else online. Our conversations are mainly meme-spawning and pic-sharing, we rarely talk about each other's lives, except when she's dealing with anxiety and needs to open up a little bit (I do so too).
We used to hang out along with our mutual friends, but now I'm seen her less and less, probably 'cause she's out with her boyfriend on weekends.
Sometimes I feel like blocking her on every social media and walk out from her life completely, just for my sanity's sake. But I know I'd be a jerk if I did that, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Talking to her before I do this would be equally as bad; yes, she would at least understand my reasons, but it wouldn't make her feel any better (if she really cares about me, that is, and I assume she does 'cause we're still friends).
I just want her out of my life and my thoughts. What the hell should I do?
I kinda trivialized my relationship with her in my first post. We chat almost every day. Yes, most of our conversations are kind of trivial, but to be honest she's like that with everyone I know. It's not always like this, just most of the time. We've been friends for more than 4 years now, and we shared lots of things together, and up until now, I felt very close to her.
But yes, lately our interactions are minimal, and it's mostly my fault. We still have long conversations every now and then, but there's not much steam left.
She's a very emotional person and feels very sad whenever any friend dumps her for whatever reason, and I know this because I've seen it (not saying this stuff happens often in her life). She literally felt depressed for a month because some crazy female cyber friend blocked her and ignored her messages out of nowhere.
Just wanted to clarify what type of person we're talking about. Thanks for the advice, I'll probably do what you say.
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Has anyone ever gone no contact with everyone in their life?
I recently lost my mother and had to move to a new city for financial reasons. It's not like I had any friends, but I got in contact with a lot of family friends (my mother's friends) and neighbors right after my mother passed away. Now that things are settled down though, they hardly ever contact me. I expect it'll become one of those relationships where you might send a Christmas card or something but that's about it.
For whatever reason, I have a strong urge to cut ties with everyone completely and start over fresh. I already went no contact with my uncle and his family (he was a dick anyway though), but I still feel drawn to the idea of just being alone, I guess. Losing my mother, having to leave everything behind, and being on my own for the first time has really shaken me up and has made me really look at myself and figure out who I am and want I want in life. I don't want any outside influences or advice about anything. I just want to be alone and do things by myself.
Any advice, input, or just perspective would be really great.
Yeah, I do admit that I'm going through a bad period. I've had depression for most of my life, but losing my mother came out of left field, sending me into full blown alcoholism and self-harm. I'm in therapy now and have been sober 5 months, but I feel angry and bitter about my situation and hate that I'm not included in their lives anymore than a card once a year. I hate that they came out of the woodwork when she passed and then just disappeared again.
I still have 3 family friends that I wouldn't cut ties with, but I'm not sure about anyone else. I keep thinking, they don't make me a part of their lives so why should I try to keep them in mine? Plus, it seems like on the rare occasion that they do call or text, it's never to ask how I'm doing. It's just to ask if I'm working, in school, have done this or that, etc. It gets old when I struggle to just brush my teeth everyday, let alone be a productive adult. They seem to just think I need to push through it or get over it.
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Where should I advertise my teespring?
So far I've got Instagram, Twitter and tumblr.
Should I pander to any crowds in particular?
Sorry it's not really a girly question.
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>my other half
>had bad rep
>still a teenager
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If I were you, I would try looking up styles and colors that specifically flatter your appearance and go from there. Go to some clothing stores and try on a bunch of stuff, figure out what you like and what looks good on you.
As far as personal style is concerned, from the few words you used to describe yourself, I would avoid any "young", cutesy clothes. If you really do have an older face, those clothes would just make you look like a tryhard woman trying to be young kind of thing. Your build might lend itself well to an androgynous style, but it's hard to say without actually seeing you.
Regardless, the internet is full of answers for any question about style and fashion. And really, the only one who can find a style that's both flattering and something you like is you. Think of it as an adventure in finding yourself.
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>be me, chubby girl
>met gf, gorgeous skinny girl
>we start dating
>fastforward three years
>she gained weight, now heavier than i was.
>can't complain cause when she met me i was a fatty girl too and she didn't care
>i don't mind it so much, its fine, she's still gorgeous and i love her, but i gotta say… i do miss my gorgeous skinny gf…
>"oh anon! i visited my mom last weekend and you won't believe what she said! she said i've gained weight! how mean! now i'm so sad!"
>"that's so fucking rude don't listen to her!"
>my real face when
should i comment on it or is it just hypocritical and asking for trouble?
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im a NEET anxious shut in thats currently trying to get my depression/anxiety under control but thats all im doing
im super lonely and cant figure out ways to meet people since i don't do anything. should i focus on trying to make a friend, and where/how? or should i focus on trying to find a gf?
dating seems easier cause theres apps and stuff but friendship is more casual and idk if im too huge of a loser to date.
which way should i go? im tired of being alone.
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Damn. I wish, anon. I'm too far away and I suppose I'm a crappy LD girlfriend sigh.
I met a good friend on an app called Women Only. It definitely needs some improvements, but it's still worth the shot. I decided to uninstall because I got a bunch of messages from dudes who show up there because… eh, they're fucking nasty dudes who want to get with lesbians and bi women who are looking for women. Also, the number of transwomen with a fetish is increasing there.
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Anyone have advice for making new friends when you're not in college? I work in a small office with older people and parents so I don't really hang out with my co-workers, and not being in school limits my interactions with other people. I hate not having a group of friends and going out all the time, I'm always at home and lonely and depressed. I only go to the gym and like the bookstore to go out, but I can't really strike up a conversation with someone because everyone's doing their own thing or has headphones in. I've always been a social person but since my friends moved away this is so depressing and I don't know where to begin again.
TLDR any advice about meeting new people and making new friends as an adult would be appreciated.
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All of my family is dead now and I don't know anyone, save for a few family friends and acquaintances. It's really killing me to see all this Christmas stuff on TV and online, stores all decorating, etc. I already have depression and this shit isn't helping.
So, how do I cope/get through the holidays by myself now without hanging myself in the garage?
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Not even close to hurting my feelings. Nice try though.
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>tfw you hit rock bottom the day you were born
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What are good excuses to cover up when you've cried? I mean actual ugly cry face, not just a few tears. my go to is allergies but I can only use that one during spring or summer. During winter "I have a cold" is a good one but people will start to suspect stuff when I have a cold one day and not anymore the other.
Does anyone know of any other good excuses? (Not crying is not an option, tears just come pouring out and I can't stop them and my face just puffs up and gets red all over)
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This is fucking stupid as hell, but it's the 11-year anniversary of my stupid crush on a boy who will never like me back.
We haven't even spoken in…five and a half years now. I made an ass out of myself in middle/high school, of course, and he was always too polite to reject me outright. I have no way of contacting him ever, but I still google his name sometimes because maybe he's done an interview or something and I can hear him again.
It isn't always this bad, sometimes I forget for a few weeks at a time, and then I have a dream about him, fall into the well-worn path of my neurons and get extra bonus sad. They say you never forget your first.
CBT? Alcoholism? Straight-up acceptance of brain brokenness?
Allergies (dog, grass, whatever fits the bill). Hay fever. Summer cold. Fit of sneezing that left your face all red and watery. If you can get a cold spoon on your eyelids for thirty seconds, that'll cover up a bunch of the cry-face.
For what it's worth, depression (which is valid, as a response to a bad situation) is a mountain that medication can turn into a molehill. Have you talked to any therapists? Are there medical resources in your area?
You're right, and in a conversation we had seven years ago (haha kill me) he mentioned that he didn't like being put on a pedestal.
But…shit. I know he's kind, intelligent, playful, and attractive. The world regards him as largely perfect, and I'd cut my own hands off to have his attention turned on me for a little while, and my legs to be the kind of person that he could love. I would tolerate anything that would put me in proximity of him, made worse by the fact that I generally do like myself, it's not really an "I am garbage" thing. Yes, I do know what I sound like saying that.
At any rate, it's a me problem, as you've identified - thank you for reminding me that he's human, it honestly does take the edge off.
How do I get through an evening without gross sobbing.
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How do I deal with my insomnia, especially when I'm nervous about the next day? And it's important that I be well-rested?
I swear I've tried everything. Melatonin is helpful until I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.
Well anon… Only thing I can think of is private investigator… Also any devices he has, you should be able to install some programs that record anything typed into the device as well as screenshot every time something is clicked. My dad use to use programs like that, that's how he found out my mother was cheating… The programs should be able to be easily hidden too and you can only access them. Just do some reading on the various types and pick the best one.
I wish you the best anon. I can't stand pedophiles. I hope he gets caught before he does something.
Bump in hopes of more anons trying to figure out how to nail this guy in prison.
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Have any of you bought shoes online before? I'm considering buying these loafers from an online Japanese store for about $35 but their return policy seems kind of sketchy. But I doubt I'd be able to find loafers as cute as these at the mall.
How on earth do people buy shoes online without any fear?
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Late last year, I got back in touch with a cousin of mine that I haven't talked to since high school, like 9 years ago. We were never really friends back then, but I thought since we're adults now, we might hit it off. She's the only family I have left too, so it was kind of a big deal for us to get back in touch.
I found out that we had a hell of a lot in common, in regards to shitty life events, though are pretty different in every other way. For example, she's very religious while I'm the exact opposite. Still, she we hung out a few times and eventually she invited me over to meet her family and have dinner.
What she didn't know about me is that I have pretty bad OCD, like the stereotypical germ kind. It was incredibly hard for me to have dinner at her family's, because there was dog hair everywhere, they let the dogs lick off their plates, etc. I didn't say anything but I kept declining future offers.
I started feeling guilty and didn't want her to think I hated her, so I told her the truth and made it clear that it was my issue and nothing to do with her. I suggested we eat out somewhere instead, my treat, or that maybe we could check out the new city that I moved to. Her response to all of this was basically "oh ok" and "it's fine" when I apologized. Since then, she hasn't talked to me or reached out to me, despite my repeated attempts to check in, comment on her social media stuff, etc.
It kind of pisses me off, because she has had her own slew of mental health issues and revealed some pretty horrible shit to me that she did before she got clean/sober, so I can't help but feel like her possibly ignoring me because I have OCD is a big slap in the face.
Do you guys think I offended her? Should I ask her what's up or just fuck off out of her life again?
You didn't do the wrong thing but it does hurt to have someone say your home isn't clean enough to eat in, even when the person has OCD. No matter how sensitively put it feels as though you're being called dirty and gross.
I'm the OCD one at home and it used to make my MIL uncomfortable to come home and find me washing her baseboards. Time helps a lot.
Yeah, I can understand that. I wasn't blunt about it or anything and I tried to cite examples of my OCD affecting me even in my own home, but I guess it might've still made her upset.
Having lived with OCD for long has kind of made it harder to see what's actually normal to other people. Most of the compulsions that I have, aside from washing my hands 200x a day, is stuff I forget that most people don't do or even think about.
Oh yeah it's so easy to forget that the compulsions aren't normal. I was amazed when I discovered that most people can use a towel twice before washing it.
I'm sure you explained it to her as kindly as possible and pointed out that it's totally an OCD thing and not a criticism of her or her housekeeping but it still cuts people a bit.
Even worse when your OCD conflicts with someone else's and you're both horrified by each other's compulsion.
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How to the fuck do I get over someone I can never have, I feel myself getting more clingy and obsessed the more time passes. Its driving me insane how lovesick I am over it.
I've had several long-distance relationships and none of any other kind. I've never kissed a woman, even. I'd actually rather keep it that way than get involved with anyone like those I've been with so far again though.
First crush spent five years responding to my advances with variants on "maybe later", then said "no" at the end of that. I took the first no I got as the final answer but hadn't considered during that time that maybe she wasn't actually growing more interested in me because my mind was filled with bad ideas from romantic comedy.
I didn't push my first girlfriend to show me a current photo, which if she had shown one would've debunked her scam of telling everyone online that she had cancer and was undergoing chemo in order to get asspats from strangers. She faked committing suicide because asking for a breakup or trying to work out relationship problems is _totes just too hard_.
Then a stranger on Omegle I met while I was grieving over that befriended me and kept asking me to write fanfictions of her favorite anime characters being dominated in bondage and torture situations (I refused to write them actually getting raped or murdered, which seemed to disappoint her somewhat). Vanished on me mid-conversation after several months of correspondence and I waited several months for her to return, sending her emails with longer and longer intervals between hoping she'd come back.
Someone added to my Skype directory started talking to me when I posted a status update about being hospitalized for my appendicitis, then as soon as my medical bills were paid started "needing" money every month. During that time she'd managed to beg me for cybersex enough that I actually gave it to her, and so far she's the only person I've had it with, and she would switch between begging for it and then belittling me for wanting it when she didn't and accuse me of pressuring her for it. She agreed to marry me and kept the ring I sent her. At least I never met her in person and kissed for real, then I'd have gotten herpes as an insult added to all the injury.
Next girl approached me on a dating site I was using and despite my open defensiveness kept kissing me in RP, including French kisses and lots of feeling up. Then four months in I find out she'd been seeing another guy for two of those, and she picked him over me because he was ten years younger and she felt I was too old to present to her parents - an odd concern to get four months after making the approach. She also tried to pass off everything she'd done to that point as "just friends". Oh, and the dumping came the weekend of my birthday, her being the first woman to give me even pretend affection on my birthday including the woman I'd been with for two and a half years that'd begged me for cybersex until I caved.
So if there's a way to avoid this kind of stuff other than to completely cut off contact with people online and shut out the entire idea of getting into a relationship, that would be nice.
I mean I already admitted it's an OCD thing. Why point it out as weird when I acknowledged it to begin with?
Seems like you're being deliberately nitpicky.
Stop checking their social media and/or blog.
Stop reading old text messages and don't send any more. Delete their number if you have to.
Let yourself feel sad and engage in your daily life. Don't make time to mope about them, force yourself to go out and socialise.
Don't let yourself indulge in fantasy, grieve and then bury it.
Stop the online thing but don't give up on relationships yet. Are you a NEET? You didn't say so but that's what I thought. Anyway, you need to experience things like kissing, sex and having a partner to love someday.
I have a relatively similar story; I used to date a Canadian who faked committing suicide and tried to manipulate me in every possible way you can imagine for over 2 years. I know it's pretty shitty.
Aren't you the same autism-chan from the relationship thread who was saving cybersex for marriage and had a waifu tulpa?
And the same anon who, in the embarrassing truths thread, talked about eating their own boogers and not masturbating until 20?
Because if my advice to you is the same as the other anon said, get offline immediately, holy shit. Online relationships can be real but these intense stories you are sharing here are mostly just that; online stories. Join some hobby groups, make some real friends.
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Does anyone know a good brand of thigh highs? I'm thinking of SockDreams since American Apparel is apparently going tits up, but I can't freakin stand their SJW ~body positive queer anime goddess~ act and don't want to give them money lol.
You can shop at WeLoveColors if you're that anal about what sock company you buy from. They have tights and solid color thigh highs, but they lack the variety of Sock Dreams.
Or just try ebay
Ultimately it is up to you. What do you think feels most appropriate for you?
I will always encourage people to report because that can be a form of closure.
However, the reality is that you may not be able to get him charged, however word might spread, and hurting his character could dissuade him from going to that church, and people could become wary of him.
Lastly, it is not your fault. You did not ask for it, seek it, or elicit it. He's the one who made the conscious effort to hurt you.
Good on you for seeking therapy, Anon! You can always discuss it with your therapist, and weigh your options. Good luck and I hope you gain a lot from therapy!
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How do i shave off my arm hair /ot/? i keep reading that if you shave it off it grows back thicker and darker but waxing makes it thinner and lighter is this true? At this point im desperate because almost half of my family is hairless ;_;;
sorry for posting in a (dead?) old thread
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it isn't that thick just like long i guess? pic related because it looks like that in a way
Tbh i almost don't have hair on my arms but i tried hair removal cream once. It looked good for like 2-3 days. Don't try it unless you want to reapply the product like crazy. You can also bleach your arm hair. I thought I'd look weird but no, it looked really subtle, so I recommend it. However I'm very light skinned and my arm hair wasn't super dark in the first place. If you're like me, maybe that could be an option.
But yeah, tbh most people don't give a fuck if girls have mildly hairy arms irl. I don't even know why I was so obsessed with mine in the first place. one of my exes thought a bit of blonde arm hair on a girl was kinda cute.
If you can't find an easy solution or pay for a more expensive alternative, then try to stop worrying.
I use an epilator over it, it works well and I'm often smooth for weeks even though on my legs hair grows back in 3 days top. I get little ingrows rarely but they're easy to remove.
Also it doesn't hurt as much as on legs at all imo.
I've been shaving my arms since middle school (they used to look like the ones in that photo btw) and there's nothing particularly crazy about. I think they're easier to shave than legs and my hair starts reappearing after 3 or so days. It doesn't even look that bad if you let it go for a bit longer, since the hair grows back sparsely it just looks like there's less of it unless you stop shaving for more than a couple weeks.
Also as an adult nobody's ever said a thing about my arms being shaved or their hairiness either, so now it's more of a shower habit that I still do it.
I'm the same as u anon.
Even tho my arm hair is blonde it was still long and gave my arms a noticable fuzz. I've been shaving my arms and hands for years just bc I like it, besides my mom giving me shit in high school (assuming it was out of concern for my self esteem or something) nobody has ever noticed or cared, maybe once in like a decade.
My fiance I've been with for 7 years has never given a fuck about my body hair either, I just personally like having absolutely no hair on my arms or hands
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How do you effectively compromise with the fact that your parent has no faith in you or anything you do?
Do people have experiences with parents second guessing them all the fucking time? Is there hope at the end of the rainbow?
I feel like completely cutting off contact with my dad sometimes. It's like I am never doing enough. I want to blow my brains out when I think about it but I would never do that.. I just think about it a lot.
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TW For gross af image. HOW??? How do I get my makeup to stop doing this. I moisturise, exfoliate, do face masks, drink a lot of water, eat pretty healthy. It happens no matter what I do, primer no primer, setting spray before and or after, powder before and or after, beauty blender, brushes, hands. I've used estee Lauder doublewear, Mac, Revlon colour stay and a whole bunch of other foundations. I'd give up but my face is hideous without makeup I can't do it.
Well also try applying some sunscreen and see if that helps. ( http://www.womenshealthmag.com/beauty/reapply-sunscreen-over-your-makeup
). I still think it is the hair though
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Does anyone have any experience with shaving their face with an eyebrow razor?
I already have to shave my chin and upper lip with a regular razor due to so much coarse hair and have to pluck a few dark hairs on my cheeks but there's also a lot of baby hairs all over my face that are more noticeable when wearing makeup.
I worry using an eyebrow razor on my cheeks and forehead will cause more little black hairs to pop up. I know it's bullshit about shaving causing hair to grow back thicker, but I'm still iffy.
pretty much this >>45606
That doesn't mean that it's certain that he would make a move on you.
At the end it doesn't matter really, just don't get your hopes up and try to get to know him as much as you can. If you see there are activities that both of you were interested on doing outside a work environment, don't be scare to propose it to him and see how he reacts. I would give up if he ditched me a couple of times.
Again the important thing is not having too much expectations.
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It IS bullshit, the hairs only appear thicker because shaving creates a blunt end to the hair.
You could hit the middle ground of shaving and plucking/waxing by using a little rolling epilator or something
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Um.. any help in how make a guy last longer in bed?
Yeah, I know it's bullshit. I was just worried about the hair appearing darker as it grows back. I'm naturally kind of hairy and have to shave my chin/upper lip every day, so I didn't want to end up having to shave the rest of my face every day too because the hair looks darker.
Gonna check out this rolling epilator thing though. Thanks for the idea!>>45617
It can, but I think that applies more to people with darker skin. I'm really pale and have been shaving my upper lip for years and have zero discoloration.
hi anon. please don't be worried - although it is possible to get pregnant in this way, the chances are very small. You'd have to be ovulating, the sperm would have to have made it inside you, and even then every ejaculate contains millions of sperms because so many of them die/get lost on the way!
What's more likely that you are stressing out and it's messing up your hormonal cycle - this happens to a lot of women and is well-documented! However, getting a pregnancy test is the only way you will know for sure and you must do it sooner rather than later.
Not to go all parent on your ass, but if you aren't ready to do what is necessary when these situations arise, maybe you aren't ready to be sexually active. (No judgement, just saying that when dicks and vaginas are around each other, babies are always a possibility!)
I hope you aren't pregnant, good luck!
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I am not sure whether I'm legitimately depressed/need to see a doctor.
Recently my life has been shit and I've been having a hard time going through my day or getting things done. After my classes and work I'm so exhausted it's hard to clean at home or even take care of myself.
I'll be graduating this semester but I don't know what field of work I even want to go into, even with my degree. I also barely do any of my work, and I'm sure to be screwed in the next few weeks when I'll have papers due.
But the worst has been my shitty job as customer service at a grocery store. It was the first job I had before college and I've stayed because I always been worried about not being able to get another job and having no income. However since I took up doing payroll for my place and now being forced off payroll I've become so bitter and resentful that I'm always in tears. I was personally blamed for any issues that were 99% the fault of the employee themselves with payroll. I tried to work every day to maintain time and attendance and then was told I took too long working, so then they only let me do it in the last hour of my shifts or not at all because the store was 'busy'.
Now the person they put in payroll is someone who was literally just hired with no previous experience. This same person who once got 30 hours of overtime when I had known management did not ask from any other employees (something that's against our union) and other preferential treatment. While I had to go to another store multiple times without a car to be trained, he was trained by the backup payroll person at our own store. While I could only work the very last hour of my shift, he works on it at the beginning.
Management always complained that since I didn't work mornings everyday it wasn't consistent, yet he is still working evenings as he did before.
It feels like I've always been disrespected despite how long I've worked for the company I'm always breaking down after shifts. My friends have told me I need to quit but not only is it hard to look for a new job while barely getting through my classes and work itself, I don't know if I should get another part time job in retail when I'm also supposed to be looking for a full-time professional job/career in a couple months.
It's hard to do anything after a day of classes/work. While most of my hobbies were online-based, I've basically stopped and only browse this place/tumblr in my free time. I don't know what to do but I can't help but think that even from friends who have experience with depression and tell me to go see someone, that I'm simply just a shit person who can't do anything and cries even when I'm angry.
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Yeah that sounds like depression anon. If you find nothing interesting/worth doing anymore, along with the other things you mentioned, could be time to talk to a doctor.
>>54118>I am not sure whether I'm legitimately depressed/need to see a doctor.
Recently my life has been shit and I've been having a hard time going through my day or getting things done. After my classes and work I'm so exhausted it's hard to clean at home or even take care of myself.>It's hard to do anything after a day of classes/work. While most of my hobbies were online-based, I've basically stopped and only browse this place/tumblr in my free time. I don't know what to do but I can't help but think that even from friends who have experience with depression and tell me to go see someone, that I'm simply just a shit person who can't do anything and cries even when I'm angry.
Are you me? I feel the exact same way most of the time and when I finally explained it to my mother she told me to see a doctor or a psychologist as soon as possible in case it's because of depression or something similar. I'm not against the idea but if I did that and my other relatives were to find out I could get in trouble. I have moments when I feel better but they randomly happen so I have no advice to give you. As >>54133
said, go see a doctor.
hello! i just dropped by to say i started my period today (the day i was going to buy a PT) so all is good and i am very relieved!
your advice calmed me down a lot. i was really worried since i saw spotting and i was having cramps which had never happened before and it fueled my paranoia a lot.
i am going to talk to my boyfriend about abstaining for a while, since i do agree that this was too irresponsible considering i tend to panic easily and i'd rather not deal with this constant worrying and fear. thank you so much :) !
Omg I get this very same problem. I love makeup but I can't wear it without it looking like shit. It mostly happens around my chin, forehead and around my nose, so it has nothing to do with my hair.
I've literally tried everything including scrubbing my face raw a few times. I think some people just can't wear makeup? I see beauty vloggers with this baby-perfect skin which I've never had in my life, I guess it just had to do with genetics. It's really unfortunate because I still get acne thanks to my period and I've no way of covering it up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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I had no idea where to post this.
What are some good online thrift stores? I prefer to buy used clothing because it's more economical, but ebay is usually too expensive when it comes to used items it seems.
Last year I had a huge depression due to my family and failed 3 subjects. They started to say shit and when I said I had a depression and went to the doctor they told me to stop faking things and to stop lying and that 'we need to talk'.
I'm the same as >>54685
and honestly I feel like shit and leave everything to the last minute, I am also dealing with insomnia and this is fucking everything more. I became someone who doesn't like the idea of being surrended by other human beings, I feel uncomfortable everywhere and just want to sleep all day and eat crap.
I also prefer the nights when everything is quiet and I'm not bothered by the presence of others.
Sorry for thirdposting.
Honestly, Im kind of in a similar situation. Im coping with my depression by escaping to online gaming and cause of that, I failed an entire semester. I feel horrible about it and I get recurring anxiety because I know I can easily fall back to that.
What helped me was creating a checklist with the bare minimum of things to do. It's not overwhelming but I still get to have some stuff done even if it's like fucking little. Most of the time for me, I get in the study zone while finishing my checklist and these days Im done with my studies in 2-3 days whereas my old self would have wasted till the last night and rushed everything, stressing myself more.
I know you said you don't work well with people and you like quiet nights. Might I recommend college libraries? Most of them have those isolated single desks with borders so no one can peep in at your work. I hate studying in public but libraries are the best for me when I have to study in the morning. People never bother you cause they have their own shit to do and it's always quiet so maybe it'll help. Hope this helped.
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I had a pretty good date with someone, but they had a panic attack AFTER the date when I had left. We even kissed and discussed seeing each other again.
To me it sounds a lot like a fear of being with someone / dating. Are there any people experts here that can help me?
Essentially how do I:
>Open a dialogue about us going forward
>Address the panic attack issue.
Not a people expert, but I don't think you can diagnose whether it was caused by one thing or another unless either they tell you that, or you know them very well.
If you really like them and want to see more of them either in a romantic way or not, I think it's acceptable to send them a message saying that but also acknowledging that they might not be ready for it, and that there is no pressure on them to do that. Also it would be good etiquette to say that you would never want to pressure them to explain the reasons for their panic attack or even to respond to you, but if they want to talk about it, you are there. At least, that's how I would want to be treated.
Unless you genuinely care about this person it seems like a lot of work, but I wish you both the best!>>54768
Kind of the same as above, I don't think there's anything wrong in gently saying that you would like to know more, but also assuring him that he doesn't have to tell you anything and you completely respect his decision if he doesn't.
The important thing is to explain why you want to know. Whether that's because you want to know what hurt him because you want to sympathize better with his pain, because you want to know every little detail about his life, because it's never happened to you, or even if you just don't know why.
However, don't do it if you're likely to get jealous hearing about his ex or if you're not prepared to be supportive if it brings up bad feelings for him. Don't ask for all the details or names either, and don't pressure again if he says he doesn't want to talk about it.
We used to message each other every morning just to catch up and see what we're doing for the day
How is this tomorrow morning:>Hey just checking in, hope you're feeling better after Tuesday. Would you like to chat? (no pressure) - Anon
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It's probably for the best that you leave your boyfriend, and move on. I was recently in your position, except she was the one who left me. Lol. Didn't have the courage to tell myself that things were not going to get any better.
Respect and appreciation are not only very important in relationships, but they're also vastly underrated.
I believe a lot of young people just want that initial spark (fling), and constant sex. After that feeling fades, it takes work to continually show your SO that you're still #1 to them. Even if you really are.
You made the right decision. I hope it has turned out well for you, and that you're taking care of yourself.
Seems like that person isn't ready for anything serious. Unless your head over heels for them I don't think it is worth it. Getting in a relationship with a fragile person is just a lot of babysitting which is bad for both sides.
try not to step in too deep just because you're lovely dovey right now.
Just my opinion tho
If you were assigned birth control why didn't you just ask your doctor this question?
What the fuck
I did but the doctors accent was VERY difficult to understand because it was thick. So I only got half of what they were saying. Since I'm the type who would annoy someone with "What did you say?" Because bad hearing I got too afraid to ask for them to repeat over and over again.
I think it's easier to ask other females the question as well who have actual experience with it.
Sometimes side effects depend on the birth control you're taking. From my experience though, most of my friends and I went up cup size, gained weight, and/or had spotting. Some of my friends lost weight and had less acne.
You should just google your specific meds though.
It really depends but the worst thing is a blood clot.
I personally suffered from no sex drive (literally the worst), completely out of whack emotions (I never cry but for some reason I was bawling my eyes out on a near daily basis), it heightened my mental illness symptoms (anxiety and depression, started developing new fears of everyday things, had horrible paranoia, suicidal thoughts) and caused me to gain a lot of weight which I still haven't lost about a year later. Most people I know reported similar, especially crying a lot.
Wouldn't want to be you rn lol.
Not that anon, but how do you actually afford/have time for all that?
I'd love to get mani-pedis every week and take care of my hair better but it's just so much effort (and re: hair I don't even know where to start). I already feel exhausted putting on and taking off my makeup every day and taking care of my skin.
I mean I'm no slob but whenever I try to take better care of my hair, nails, feet etc it eats up so much of my time. To add insult to injury I've fair skin + black hair and my back looks really hairy, as does my arse. I wax what I can, but I always get a terrible rash afterwards (same when epilating). I can't take it anymore, I'm too poor for proper top-to-bottom maintenance and I always feel like a gorilla because the hairiest parts of me are the ones I can't get to.
Painting your own nails and toes isn't very hard at all, and depending on the polish you use (gel, a quick drying topcoat) it would only be about five minutes once a week.
For hair, YouTube has a lot of simple yet pretty hair styling tutorials, and a lot of easy to follow hair routines.
Not sure about the hair though, if waxing is too harsh you could try sugaring.
>>54842>I couldn't do any of this like normal people can
Let me translate what he meant:
I've been a beta my whole life and never got any pussy. I've partially succeeded in bettering myself to attract girls, but on the inside I am still a beta male who never got any pussy. Everything is just a facade to get pussy. I actually hate modern western women, and the stress of trying to deal with them is enough to make me just give up and not get pussy.
I am being 100% completely serious, this is what he meant.
What you can do about it:
Assure him you're "not like the other girls", even though you are. Have sex with him, that's what he wants, and it's the only thing that will boost his confidence and allow him to validate himself as worthy.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
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It ended badly by the way. I didn't even know it was possible to be so head-over-heels for somebody you went on one date with
What works for me (former tomboy): slightly oversized, fluffy, cute coloured (quartz pink, baby blue, white, lavender, salmon, beige, etc. according to what suits your complexion best) pieces of clothing and accessories, lots of skirts (in the shape that suits your body best), heels or cute sneakers, gel nails every 2-3 weeks, bangs and hair a bit curled at the end for a softer look (takes 5 minutes with a large curler), "natural" make up style using fresh colours with focus on lashes, lips and blush, nice looking jewelry, elegant handbags on the smaller side.
Once you're all dolled up like that the lady-like behaviour should automatically follow, if anything because you'll be scared of breaking one of your beautiful nails or messing up your cute outfit.
I'm so sorry anon, but at least it wasn't you, the person just isn't ready. I'm glad you got closure on it even if it wasn't what you wanted
Heartbreaking stuff really, hopefully you can find someone else you can like as much who is ready>>54999
That's all cute and good advice but something about that last paragraph reminds me of sissies kek
Chiming in to say that having matching underwear makes me feel less gross, or just a simple accessory that I can see in my field of vision (one bracelet, nice nails etc) because then I'm reminded I've made the effort.
Maybe she's just honed in on specific people in those groups that she wants to be friends with now. However, I've been that woman and I did avoid people that made me uneasy or seemed disinterested. You could always go out of your way to say hi to her and the groups she's in, if you can prove that you can play nice with the others and you actively want to be social
then that could fix it.>>55066
I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do, but sounds like since you can study in that 6 months anyway you should just go and avoid a life of fomo but I also know nothing about medschool. Expect rain and xenophobia from the Uk though.
I suppose I just wanted to rant about this artist
It's scary cuz they are kinda popular, but I'm wondering if anyone else dealt with someone like this.
I admired this person for a while, and when I started speaking to them we kinda became friends. I honestly couldn't believe it. It even got to the point where they invited me to play online video games with em.
It was during one stream they mentioned they do commissions. I stated I wish I could buy a commission. As the chat went on they convinced me to buy one. After an hour of talking to them, we decided together on something and a price, 200 dollars.
I was excited, and even more so when they gave me the presketch in just 15 minutes. It was excellent work, but I noticed it was an exact trace of a reference picture I gave them. I was too scared to call them out on the blatant trace, at this point the artist did something a bit unusual. They started sending me rather lewd pictures of themselves.
I decided that I would wait and see what they would produce when the work was done. However the next day they gave me news. They told me that the work we agreed upon was to difficult and they would need 100 dollars more to "be in the mood" to finish it. Explaining further that it was too difficult. I told them no and I needed to think on things.
It was then they asked if I wanted fan art of legend of Zelda, full metal, and other series I never mentioned. Oddly enough they asked a favor of me, if I didn't call it fan art since it would bring up anxiety. I had enough of this and I told them that I didn't want fan art.
I decided that if they couldn't finish the work we agreed on, I just wanted my money back. I even offered a 50 dollar kill fee in good spirits.
They went bonkers. Said I needed to make up my mind, that I made them suffer. I was shocked by the 180 change in behavior. I said sorry, not quite understanding how I was making them suffer (This was all in a span of 2 days)
So I decided to end the transaction and leave it be. So recently I saw them, so I didn't wanna ignore them. I decided to say hello. I apologized and wanted no negative vibes. They said they were not interested. At this point I told them I didn't mind giving them back the 200 USD (Had been doing well with my own commissions.) They snapped at me, saying I couldn't buy their empathy. I'm here staring at them like
"are you serious?"
I know what I gotta do is ignore em, and just accept how things are. But another part of me is here like "Damn it, I'm trying to show you I ain't as bad as you think I am. Just let me say I'm sorry"
sorry, that was long
sorry anon im just gonna go on a tangent first
>just let me say I'm sorry
apologies are a two way street, anon, the other party has to be ready to hear (and accept/reject) an apology just as much as you are ready to offer it. forcing an apology on someone is just selfish (not necessarily using the term with a negative connotation here, i mean just self serving); an act to clear your own conscience.
obviously this artist "friend" (for want of a better word, considering you aren't quite friends any more) isn't ready to hear that apology. and that's ok. you've tried to offer the olive branch and make your peace with it – but its their turn now to take it, if they want it. don't get too worked up over not being able to change this "friend"'s perception of you, because it's not something you can change anyway. your zone of control ends where you do, you can't change how others think or act or feel or perceive. all you can really do is keep on keeping on and hope that the people who matter eventually come around, y'know?
the question you should really be asking yourself is "do i really wanna make time for this person" and tbh anon they sound fucking nuts lmao i'd be glad i'd gotten out mostly unscathed if i were you. i totally agree with >>55321
Hua, I guess you guys are right. I done all I could to extend the olive branch as you put it.
And you are right, I'm just happy they didn't send their fans on me. I actually feel kinda better about this whole situation. I mean, at least now I know what to look for.
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Exactly, there's not really anything else you could have done, anon. all that needs doing now is to accept it/let it go, which is one of the more difficult parts imo
>i'm just happy they didn't send their fans on me
even if they did, thats all on them for using their fanbase as attack dogs, which says a lot more about them than it does about you.
i'm glad you're feeling better <3
Yuh, I really appreciated the advice. I honestly didn't expect it. Especially realizing that trying to get someone to accept an apology is selfish.
Though at this point I don't think I am… seeing as how my apology sucked since I wasn't even sure what I was saying sorry for…. eeeh kinda cringing at that bit. Again thank you guys for not sugar coating anything. Self reflection was really needed.
Now I shall be off to lurk these threads before goin to bed
No worries anon. I actually say sorry A LOT. I'm use to people talking through it with me, explaining what I did to make em upset and then happy cheers.
This is was a weird case for me since this was the first time it happened.
Then again, I kinda meet someone crazy every 4-6 months. But man they hide it well until something a lil negative comes by.
hey anons, I could use your advice. It's about a crush. Sorry if it's too long or filled with typos
I'm a master platonic crusher, so of course this guy is someone totally random.
We're living in the same town and I noticed him, because we always take the same last train on Sunday. At first I was like 'oh, he's fine' and that's it. Then I realized that he's always somewhere nearby, like we would always be in the same part of a station, go to the same doors, stand somewhere close. And it wasn't my intention, so then I thought - maybe it's his? I also had those vibes that he's watching me, but subtly. sooo I started to pay attention to him and realized I'm actually crushing (don't laugh…). Then suddenly he started to go somewhere else at the station and take different doors, so we were in different parts of the train. Around this time, I've seen him randomly in the mall (didn't even look at me) and at a bus stop (came, looked at me but like you would look at a pole or a tree, stood somewhere further away). He looked totally uinterested, ~the vibes~ were gone… I started to doubt everything I observed and thought that I probably imaginated stuff and generally felt really pathetic about myself. I got really angry then (at him and mostly at myself for this pointless crush) and kind of moved on.
THEN I felt like he's paying attention to me again!! Ugh at this point I was like no dude, you had your chance. Though for now I can say for sure he recognizes me and pays me some attention. We've met twice in the store and he looked somewhat flustered, especially when we randomly looked at each other and I could just see that he recognized me (the same for him probably) and he quickly averted his eyes with a slight hint of panic lol. We are both pitiable.
Now that I read this, I feel stupid for wanting your advice my kind anons, because this is really not much information to deduce something from… But if you have some thoughts, please share - Do you think he's interested, but just shy? Maybe he backed off then because I scared him off with giving him attention. Or it's all baloney and I should get a life
speaking of vibes! the way you narrate really gives off the "this girl is really overthinking stuff" vibe. Hard to say for true, since there's already a bias there.
I've been given this advice before, and it worked kinda well for me: Talk to him. Talk to him! Talk. To. Him. Either your crush goes away and you realize he's not that great a human being, or you hit it off and become happily married with 20 kids and a big house with at least three maids of various ages, sizes and accents.
You could ask yourself some questions just to be sure, too. Questions like "Does he look like a person I can trust? Like, not just fancy-as-a-crush trust, but genuinely-okay-human-being trust", "Does it seem like we have any interests in common? Similar age range, matching fashion, both of you give off the same vibe, idk mang you're better suited for this than me" or "What part of him makes me crush so hard? Is it something unhealthy or potentially negative for me? No dude is worth an unwanted pregnancy, time in jail or getting hooked on drugs just for him alone" work, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that you're probably thinking of him more than he's thinking of you, and you've got the power to change that. The final decision on whether you go for it or start getting over him is up to you. Best of lucks!
>>55440>Are mental hospitals really all that horrible?
says: No, they're not. I stayed in one for a week after a failed suicide attempt. It was honestly exactly what I needed: time away from "it all" to get myself centered on me
. That was over 3 years ago and I haven't had any suicidal ideation since, the experience was that positive for me.
>Anyways, is talking about this stuff to my psych safe?
Yes. talk to them. Tell them you are thinking these things and ASK them if they think a stay at a mental hospital would be beneficial to you. Tell them your fears about it, and talk to them honestly about it.
I wish so bad I had done what you are thinking of doing. I attempted suicide in November, and I can remember as early as January of that year thinking "I wish I could just go to a mental hospital and get my shit together" but like most people, fear and embarrassment stopped me. Well, let me just say, the fear and embarrassment of failing a suicide and your whole friends and family finding out FAR OUTSTRIPS going to your psych and just being honest and getting help early.
Think of it like this:
Get help now, best case scenario is it is a positive experience for healing and you don't feel any shame. Worst case is it is an embarrassing experience.
Don't get help, best case scenario is you end up trying to kill yourself and going anyways but living with that special level of shame forever. Worst case is you die.
Sorry for the soapbox, it just hits so close to home.
honestly it really depends on the area and the hospital. i was forced to stay inpatient in a mental hospital for over a week when i was a teenager due to a suicide atempt and self harm. i live in the south, so the hospital was very religion driven and it was required to talk about god and faith. i'm not religious so it was very unhelpful for me. it was also extremely boring and restrictive. i'm very introverted and for safety and social reasons we weren't allowed alone time unless it was for punishment.
after i got out, i tried doing therapy, but again it was very religious and the therapist was condescending towards me so i stopped. though now that i'm older i'd like to try it again with someone i'm comfortable with. i don't have health insurance tho so i think i'm out of luck.
i know it's different for adults to be inpatient, so depending on how you feel, i would seriously think about it. if i could afford it now i think the right person could really help. if you have the means to go, i wouldn't waste it
I don't know if this post is going to be coherent but I'm just going to take a huge shit on my keyboard and toss it on this thread. Generally I'm pretty stable so hopefully I don't sound like a complete nutcase.
At the core of it, I'm struggling with existential despair (aren't we all~) but I've always been an extremely "guilty" person in addition to the usual "what's the point" sentiments. This guilt I feel is more like intrusive thoughts along the lines of
>guilt for growing up and how that must make my mom feel
>guilt whenever I see signs of my family aging
>guilt for not pushing through my anxiety to pass my drivers test (last three I've messed up something and end up crying). My grandmother has been ready to give me her car for years and I feel like such trash knowing someday I'll regret how I didn't try harder so I could drive over to spend time with her
Right down to things like
>guilt for spending money on myself instead of donating or helping with animal causes
It's a fucking weight. Birthdays are the hardest so I do my best to be as positive as possible but I always get in this weird funk about it for days. I'm able to cruise along alright when I follow generic day routine, but next week I'm going on a family trip for the first time in over 10 years and I don't want my shit brain to ruin what should be an amazingly happy time.
I hate this weird… tragic retrospective lens I view my life through. If that makes sense…
It's been this way since I was a kid. I don't know how to truly enjoy the moment without feeling this horrible sadness/terror about it as if I'm terminally ill and everyone's trying to put on a good show for the dying kid. God that sounds so pathetically self pitying, but I mean, I imagine everyone hides that they know how much I try everyday and it crushes me knowing they must worry so much.
I've been to many therapists and nothing's seemed to help. I'm just on an antidepressant now but I'm so fucking high strung all the time. I was in an abusive relationship for a few years but I've recovered as well as I could hope for. My life is objectively good now (loving family, work online and travel whenever, long distance but stable relationship with bf, proactive with mindfulness techniques and I combat depression quite well) so what the fuck, me?
Wrote this out and then spent 7 hours lying in bed unable to sleep. Slept and woke up with total paranoia. I'm kind of concerned now since, while not too common, once I get in these terror/dreads moods nothing helps for weeks. I think I've just convinced myself to give therapy and a new med another go but that won't happen for months. I guess it's like panic attacks without the hyperventilating? I don't really know what kind of advice I'm looking for, I guess reassurance that someone with similar experiences has had luck with a medication I've yet to try. Whatever this is it's not something I can fight just with mind over matter thinking. Bleh, bit ashamed for writing so much bile but I'm just desperate to get healthy for my family.
Thanks for the replies, it's hard to think if I'm in a okay area as I live in the middle of nowhere so I assume I have a few choices. But looking at the closest cities I can't say that looks like they will be any good at all. >>55462
I understand what you mean about the embarrassment. Sadly about 3 years ago I attempted to kill myself. I was never sent to a mental ward despite being hospitalized for 4 days due to overdosing. I met with a crisis counselor and she decided with my anxiety that it was probably worse to send me. I think they assumed it was an impulse decision for something stupid, not that I can blame them. Im horrible at talking about my problems. I brush things off too well to people, make it seem nothing wrong is going on and this was just some random crazy moment of being overdramatic.
I tried my best to keep it secret from anyone outside immediate family but I guess some people can't keep secrets. I want to go get help so it doesn't happen again, but it's hard to admit to people, even if they are doctors.
I'm the kind of person that has an immense need to fix something when it's wrong/broken. It's how my stupid ass got stuck in an abusive relationship for entirely too long. If there's something bugging me, something I'm worried about or stressed over, I have to talk it over to work through it in my head. Even just talking out loud to myself or talking to my cat helps a lot, my brain and mouth need to work in tandem to sort shit out.
Whenever there's a problem with my S/O I have to talk about it over and over to figure out why I'm upset over it and how it can be solved. I NEED to talk about things, but he's the exact opposite. His mouth never works when he wants to say something and he just closes in on himself.
Lead back to us yesterday having a conversation about something stupid that I ended up pissing him off about, and instead of just outright saying what I wanted to say (which would have made him angry but made me feel better) I just apologized and dropped it. I come home from work a few hours later and instantly get mad over the same thing since I hadn't talked it over and gotten it out. Set scene for me almost walking out and slamming the door, him actually walking out and leaving, me following behind him sobbing saying "I'm sorry" repeatedly because my brain shut off and my mouth wouldn't, then me jumping in my friend's car crying and snotting everywhere about our fight.
I talked it over with my friend since she's the same as my boyfriend, her brain works but her mouth doesn't, and we agreed I need to just let things go instead of trying to fix it. But I can't. I don't know how. How do you just shut your mind off and the need to make things right?
I probably have lingering relationship issues from my ex, there was always just another fight and another fight and I'd always have to apologize and fix it to make him happy even if it wasn't my fault. There was always so much guilt if I didn't fix the problems that it made me physically sick. If I didn't apologize and "make it right" there'd just be constant threats and guilt trips and insults. I just can't understand how to make myself stop thinking like it was back then.
I even brought up that I felt like it was the same as with my ex, there'd be a problem and I'd have to apologize instead of getting it out and I'd still be mad about it and just look crazy because I "can't let it go."
Sorry for the rant,
tldr; got into a fight with bf because I can't learn to let things go/not fix every problem. How do I stop being stupid?
Your reaction is very common, some people will just have panic attacks when they use it.
Your boyfriend is also much bigger than you, and has a tolerance, yet you're probably trying to use just as much as him. You're probably using too much.
Communication issues are always hard to deal with. Maybe try to find another way to be able to talk with your SO? Tbh I dont think you should just "let go". This should be not just ignored.
Maybe your SO is the rather introverted kind and works out things by himself rather than speaking out loud? How about you write him a letter were you explain in detail what you think the issue is, how it makes you feel and how you would like to make things work. Remember, it should not be you against him or anything but you both against the problem.
While reading he has time to really think about each sentence and hopefully write back a letter, too. Where you can see how he feels. Maybe add a little sentence asking for such a reply at the end, you know how men are regarding pickup up hints like that.
Weed is really more potent than people say. I think it might have been a panic attack, too. They seem to be different for everyone lol. Mine are that my hands get numb and shaky and I puke and puke and puke until just water comes out. Others have extreme high pulse and sweating etc.
Well, I'd say you may have taken too much and not drank enough water maybe?
I'm sorry to tell you but LDR really never work out.
Especially not when your bf acts like that. I think that was really selfish and seems like he's not as invested into the relationship as you are.
And yes ofc you have all the right to be upset. It's a bad sign that you even have to ask for it. Is this really the way you deserve to be treated?
If I were in your position I would stand up for myself and set some rules so that the relationship can work. And if he thinks those aren't needed it's up to you to know ofc, but please know your self-worth. Don't keep running after boys that think some other girls birthday is more important than yours.
I'm married to my once LDR. So please don't say they never work out.
That said, the boyfriend doesn't sound too genuine.
>haven't seen bf in 2 weeks due to school stuff
>don't feel like I miss him or anything
>get annoyed when talking to him via text sometimes, don't talk much
I'm pretty conflicted, anons. I think I'm just tired after a long day and don't feel like talking to him (or any of my other friends, either) because I'm an 'introvert,' but at the same time, shouldn't you want to talk to someone you love as much as you can? Shouldn't you feel like you miss them when you haven't seen them for a while? I don't know what the problem is, it's like I don't have any strong emotions whatsoever, and I feel like this applies to more people in my life than just my bf.
Thing is, he is a good bf and treats me super well, yet with my previous relationships I wanted to talk to the guys 24/7, and they treated me like shit. However I think this is because I had no friends, was insecure, depressed, and desperate for a connection.
Maybe I'm taking my current bf for granted, then?
Do you consistently feel pretty 'blah' all the time? In the past few years would you say you've noticed hobbies/spare time stuff doesn't make you happy like it used to?
Depression can be exhibited as a lack of enthusiasm or 'looking forward to', because it just reduces the emotional response - bad things are just annoying, good things are meh. You don't end up having a 1-10 emotional scale, more like 3-6.
Yeah anon, that's precisely how I've felt for several years now, actually. I'm not sure what to do about it since it hasn't gone away on its own naturally, but I do think its gotten less severe. When I feel happy, it lasts a moment before I think of a reason why something isn't that great.
Anybody have suggestions besides medication or therapy? (Ty, btw)
How do I get over physical attraction?
I very briefly hung out with this guy who is a literal 9.6. He ended up wanting to hookup, whilst I had envisioned more of a relationship, so we parted ways. Now I'm stuck with just this awkward sort of physical/sexual attraction to him. My college is tiny and I see him everyday…
How much sex a week is actually normal in a relationship?
I'm currently with my second bf ever that I love and he also has a great dick. The thing is, for some reason when he's stressed out by IRL shit he doesn't want to sleep with me.
I try it all, I dress more sexily, kiss his neck, hell even outright grab his dick. But he just shoves me away.
The bf I had before, was never all that sexually satisfying, but even at the end of our almost two year relationship we had sex almost everyday, and often even multiple times a day. And overall we were way more cuddly, passionate and touching.
Now, although I cum lots of times IF he is DTF unlike in the relationship before, I don't feel truly satisfied. I have huge self-esteem issues and kind of need to know that I'm indeed attractive and pretty etc. At the beginning everything was great, and I even fulfill some of his deviant fetishes. But now, after 10 months of being together it's just once a week! And even then it's not even PiV but he just fingers me, he kind of gives off the vibe he's just doing it as a chore.
I really don't know. I'm pretty sure he doesn't cheat on me, because he's just not the kind of person to do that but still I'm so confused. I didn't really gain weight or anything.
Maybe I should add, he has a rather dominant role in bed. While this does turn me on, I can't help but notice that I feel a little bit too objectified during sex sometimes. I can't really recall when we slept with each other and were really cuddly and passionate. Like telling the other that you love them, looking deeply in the eyes etc.
How to deal with this? Am I just the weird one? ;__;
I just really want that D
Why not hookup and see if you can make him want a relationship?
Maybe he just got out of one and doesn't feel quite ready. So you could aim by making him fall in love, so that he can't help but try more serious things with you, too.
There's not right answer - age, lifestyle, each partner’s health and natural libido, the quality of their overall relationship are just a few things out of A TON that can affect it month to month, or even year to year.
It's generally advised from sex therapists to try and hit the once a week mark. There's some controversy about how many % of couples are actually doing that and it varies depending on study. It's a good benchmark though.
For some 2-3 times a month is enough, and for a few people 1 a month is fine. It really just depends on your situation. If there's a lot going on IRL in his life yeah, I could see him not being down for sex - not because he isn't interested, but because he's too tired mentally to even think about that. Sex is still effort (if it's good sex), and he may have run out of that by the time he gets home.Figure out what the things are bothering him IRL and if you can help. If you can't help but you see "hey, that sucks, I can see why you're so stressed" then cut him some slack.
If he's never really 'connected' during sex, and he treats all the sex with you as a good fuck, but just a fuck (no cuddling, no eye contact intimacy, ect) then there's another problem entirely. He honestly sounds like an ex I had. In the end, he just wasn't that into me and just wanted sex with someone he could chill with once in awhile. I wasn't really down with that.
other anon has solid advice, there is no normal and there are many variables. but have you talked about it with him? I have the same self esteem issues and even though it doesn't relieve blue ovaries, verbally communicating that I am dtf and that he thinks I'm hot but is too stressed for it helps. so did buying a vibrator for solo and lazy couple play.
however I wanted to add that if there is a problem when you are sleeping together then you need to address that too. if you feel objectified or unloved then you need to talk about that, and you also need to lead by example because he can't read your mind. tell him what to do or not do ask what he likes and physically move the scenario into what you want. sometimes there needs to be compromise like he gets some bdsm and you get some cuddles, but if you aren't compatible then it might just not be working. if you can't talk about sex then you shouldn't be having it>>56241
Talk to him. You are both adults. You cannot have a healthy, fulfilling sex life unless you communicate your thoughts feelings and desires.>>56241
It depends on the deal breaker. Is it potentially changeable on either side? Is it set in stone no matter what? If the former, it might be resolvable. If the latter, honey you're fucked. Fundamental differences can and will kill relationships.
Not every guy has the same sex drive or motivation for sex like your other bf does.
Just fucking talk to him.
This is a really personal question.
I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and up until now, our sex life has been really kinky, to the point of weird and actively disliked by other people. Lately my life has been getting better and better for me and I find less of a need for fucked up sexual deviancy to distract me. Kinky sex, such as threesomes and pretending to be a little girl, are now becoming apparent to me as not fitting in with my value systems. By myself, I can only get off to the most horrid things when about 2 years ago, before I met him, I had quite clean vanilla fantasies. I feel like I consent to the behaviours we've both been doing, but that Pavlov's dog is very much a thing and now iI've become self loathing. I find myself more and more wanting a sexual relationship that's a lot more normal. Besides my boyfriend's problems with porn and sexuality, I love him very much. We have talked about it but I don't know how restraining someone from what they enjoy will hold up, even for his wellbeing as well. I feel stuck and I feel like I want out of this relationship. Has anyone had a similar problem with kink?
Thank you so much for your advice. I know things can't stay the same anymore. >>56327
I don't watch porn but I definitely masturbate to fantasies, so I'll stop. I've only recently gotten my sex drive back so it will suck, but I wonder if he will. He told me today "I don't want my kinks to ruin everything we have".
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How do I get rid of negative people who drag me down, but are long time friends who I still care about?
One of my best friends has acted really negatively lately. She feels shitty and tries to make me feel shitty with her. She's always done that during bad moments but it never really bothered me. But now it does because I've changed things in my life and I wanna be a more positive person (one of my goals is not lurking/commenting on here as much as I do now because it brings out the worst in me sometimes).
I love this person but it's like… It's either me or you, right now, you know? I thought a lot and there's really no other option because I already kindly told her she needs to stop being negative about everything, and I don't wanna have to talk about that again because she made a huge drama the first time.
Do I just disappear for a while? What should I say/do? Have you gone through something similar where you felt like you had to stop talking to a good friend because they were depressing you? Should I feel like an asshole (I've been friends with this person for a more than 10 years).
I feel like a cunt just for posting this, it makes me think I am a shitty friend. maybe I really am, but I just don't know what to do anymore, I am not immune to the things she says.
Thanks in advance
i dropped a long time online friend (like 9 years at that time) over something similar. she was very negative about everything, and only ever kept talking about her own issues and life. unreciprocated attention basically. it hurt but honestly, life goes on. there's so many people out there, there's gotta be someone out there you'll vibe well with AND who won't bring you down. and even if there isn't, better to be alone than in bad company.
so that said, if you just disappear with the intent to come back she might hold it against you like "blah blah you weren't there for me anon :(", and since you already talked about this and she made drama (BIG fucking warning sign she's not listening to your needs btw), i don't really see any good solution for you. either you drop her now or you're gonna get pissed off at her eventually and blow up yourself.
anyway evaluate if you genuinely "love this person" or if you're just comfortable because you've known each other so long. ie. do you think the bond you have with her is absolutely impossible to recreate with anyone else? what kind of things does she do for you, and what do you do for her? compare and contrast. i have a strong feeling she's probably using you as some kinda emotional crutch though.
>Should I feel like an asshole (I've been friends with this person for a more than 10 years).
friendships are like sex, both people should be getting something out of it and feeling happy. if you're not, and you continuously made your needs clear, what's the point? so you can feel like a martyr being nice to people you don't like? do you go around giving free blowjobs to incels too? (of course not, see my point?) base your self-esteem on something more meaningful pls.
Other anon explained it really well, but I would adivse not to act hasty. You may regret it. If she's giving you a hard time bad enough for you to think about distancing yourself, then why not taking another shot at trying to explain your feelings? If the other option is dropping her, then I think you should try everything you can. Then you won't be left with regrets. On the other hand, your friendship must be dying already if you really think about dropping her because of her being negative. Sorry for being harsh, but it sounds a bit silly and like an excuse.
Just like >>56585
said, evaluate what you feel. Do you really want to be friends with this person? Aside from if she changes or not? Try talking with her again, and if she starts drama and refuses to listen, then try distancing yourself. If you won't miss her and will be better without her, then bye. Just don't throw everything away immediately.
There are some great resources on youtube, but of course I can't remember the exact one I'm thinking about. it might be charisma on command? Demand?
If you can't find anything I'll dig up a link for you tomorrow!
I'm this anon again. Didn't go to a ward. Did go to my psych and was put on meds again. It hasn't been long enough to take effect yet. I feel like this isn't appropriate for this thread anymore but it feels weird just switching to a new thread to say all the same stuff.
Anyways, I've been so depressed and trying to not show it too much but I slip a lot. I'm a complete bitch to everyone who talks to me, I crave talking to them though too, it makes no sense why I'm like this, I want the interaction but at the same time it exhausts me and I try to avoid it. I'm so mean, I'm so lonely, but I feel like I don't deserve the nice people I have around me. I've been having more breakdowns lately, with nothing to actually trigger
it. This more of the advice part I feel like a retard of even having to ask this, I think I gave myself a black eye, I've never been a big self harmed until breakdowns, I don't cut myself, but I do hit myself. I need to either hide it or make a reason for it.
I can't have my family knowing this, I bet they already think lowly of me, plus my mother would just get angry with me.
You answered your own questions in your post.
>One time he told me he didn't really need many friends now that he has me, but he has still gone out with his male friends although very very few times. He doesn't hang out with females at all. When we first started dating he left some club activities he would do his with ex (they were in a painting class together).
So it seems he feels that when he's in a relationship, any friendships with the opposite sex is viewed as inappropriate. These feelings might be heightened because you guys are in an LDR, and he probably has to sit an listen to you drone on about all the things you are doing that may include dudes, hence the >"you seem to talk to a lot of guys?"
This happens more with traditional/conservative type people, but I'm also getting the creepy controlling vibe from him, so tread lightly.
>Have same best friend since high school (almost 10 years)
>used to be catty bitches together, all fun times
>friend group dwindles down to us and two others
>shit happens, down to 3, her, me and girl A
>more shit happens, girl A is cut out, down to just us
>constantly be catty bitches to old friends between ourselves
>shit talking and general cunt behavior
>two years pass, I start growing up and admit I fucked up and was a terrible person to other girls
>strike up friendship with girl A, building bridges and having good fun again
Now my friend of 10 years is being weirdly salty about it. I asked her to come hang with us and try to build friendships again, that girl A matured a lot etc. She went "yeaahh I mean like.. I guess I can but ehh.. Her voice annoys me but if you want I GUESS I can…" And then a week later acts like she was on board the entire time to hang out.
Now I found out she's going to our local anime convention and didn't even tell me she bought her tickets or got her hotel and she's rooming with others. We always went together, we always cosplayed and hung out and had fun and blew too much money on shit merch, now she just cut me out and didn't ask if I was going.
I wonder if it's because she sees it as some sort of betrayal on my end, but I just genuinely got tired of being catty and bitchy all the time to other girls because I was jealous and/or threatened by them existing.
You say both of you have a friendship on being petty bitches. Of course she will do petty shit like leave you out of things when you upset her.
The best thing to do would be cut off ties if you want to get mature friends, since she hasnt grown up
I would say it's a simple petty revenge. Yes, she does feel betrayed. If my friend just approached me and said 'hey listen, I am no longer interested in games/books/fantasy/anything that clips us together, I like economics now and I'm gonna hang out with this person we didn't like but is into economics, so… bye. But you can hang out with us, if you want' then yeah, I would be hella bitter lol
If you like her and she's worth keeping, just talk to her, don't let her feel like you're moving on and leaving her behind. Try not to invite her to hang out with you and your new friend, but give her attention individually, so she knows she's still important to you, not just someone tagging along. Just be slow with changes. If she refuses to change, then I guess your ways will part naturally.
I just can't wrap my head around it fully, we still talk and hang out but every time we do she's just making it more apparent she's not interested in doing anything with her life anymore. We're in our early 20's and I feel like the high school days are over, I mean ffs she's still picking on a girl from 3 years ago because the girl posted about smoking pot and yet she smokes too.
It's that kind of petty shit I'm over, the pot calling the kettle black type of stuff.
Girl A and us two had everything in common but she made some mistakes and us two being catty bitches overlooked ours and focused on Girl A's and cut her out while belittling her for being human.
I don't want to just end the friendship but I've tried nudging her in the "right" direction, the adult direction, but she just acted like it was a huge imposition. she's in this shitty downward spiral with everything and I've asked her to get help but she'd rather drink, smoke and sleep and not go to work.
She's the kind of person that's stubborn but to such a degree that they end up fucking themselves over trying to prove someone wrong.
Sorry to double post but I should have elaborated more.
I'm not cutting her out completely, but Girl A and I have things in common that my friend and I don't like wearing makeup and dressing up and being girly and wearing lolita.
She and I went to the zoo in full lolita and had a huge blast, we spent the weekend hanging out and eating weird food that the other girl would never have done.
Girl A, my friend and I are like a venn diagram of interests, some of them overlap and some of them don't at all. So I enjoy having both their company for those reasons. Girl A and I have only spent 3 days together in 3 weeks whereas my friend and I have seen each other 3 or so times in 2 weeks.
That's what is also throwing me, I'm giving them both equal time considering we all live miles apart and all have jobs, and I'm in college. But I get the distinct impression my friend thinks this is some huge slap in the face.
She's even gone so far to refuse to tell me the hotel she's staying at for the convention and backpeddaled and said she didn't have the hotel after all.
sorry I should probably take this to a vent thread but eh. I wish I knew how to fix this.
I get where you are coming from, but at the same time… uh. You said you both are in your early twenties, a lot of people don't have their lives figured out at this age. Let her work her shit out, don't be so condenscending with this 'tried to nudging her in the adult direction' damn girl, you like anime, conventions and lolita. You think this is oh so adult? Don't want to judge you, I don't think some interests are exclusive for particular age, but get off your high horse for a bit. Just leave her be, don't expect her to change because you did. It's childish.
I honestly understand you and can emphatize with you, but also I wish you would stop judging her so much and supported her instead. Sorry if this offends you, I can only draw conclusions from what you said, and it's obviously more complicated irl. But think about it.
She's getting wasted at work (using heavy equipment like a forklift) and skipped days to go fuck around with her boyfriend in a park, that's what I meant by not doing anything and what I'm trying to nudge her away from. That's her downward spiral.
I've asked her to get help but she'd rather "smoke it away" so trying to reconnect her to more people and grow up was my last idea, get back into old friendships and hobbies with us and maybe it would drag her out of whatever this is.
Fuck anon, that is bad. :( I see two issues here.
1. It seems like she is getting into some serious substance abuse toxic patterns and that is extremely difficult to deal with because people will not change unless they want to. I am not against pot but if it is getting to the point where it is affecting one's responsibility and is endangering their life, it's gotten to be a problem and concern. If this is new behavior maybe something else really bad is going on in her life and she is compensating. That 'smoke it away' thing seems like a defense mechanism to deflect your legit concerns.
2. If me and a friend have mutually disliked someone and then all the sudden she went and befriended that person I would feel hurt/insulted. It's kind of a fuck-you in a way, like out of all the people in the world you made a conscious decision to reach out to someone we both disliked? IDK.
She's had issues before but pulled out of them, this time she's just not wanting to try at all and I'm not sure what to do to help her. She's stubborn as I mentioned before and would rather take herself down than get help.
And yeah, I can see that as being a big issue but at this point it's been 2 years since we cut the girl out, for really dumb childish reasons we practically made up ourselves. She made mistakes like everyone does but we really narrowed in on them and blew them up and cut her out for god knows what reason.
It wasn't so much legitimate hate, just "lmao what a dumbass" and mindless shit talk and gossip. Back when we, Girl A my friend and I, were all friends, she was doing so well with a lot of stuff. I thought maybe since we've started growing up we could reconnect and fix everything. It may have been dumb but it was my last thought, since she's just as unwilling to make friends as she is stubborn.
No, I don't think it was dumb at all, I know your heart was in the right place and after you explained why I see where you were coming from. I was just offering why it may have upset her. It is hard as we grow up and find new interests and priorities and grow apart. I really feel for you, there is nothing more exasperating than seeing someone sinking and refusing to grab the lifeline you throw them.
Honestly if she is important to you I think it may be wise to consider having a really warm-hearted talk where you let your emotions show. I would frankly approach her about friend A and your reconnect. It might help her if you acknowledge that you now realize that she might be really hurt by it and are sorry if it has hurt her. Tell her that was not your intent, tell her how much she has meant to you, that you care about her and are genuinely worried for her. If she throws up deflective dismissals, gently call her out on them. It is time for a heart-to-heart. If she gets bitchy and petty, at least you have communicated your truth and hopefully that may bring you some peace.
>>57076>he took a picture of me and tried to photoshop it to make me look asian because i didnt "look good enough" and he loved asian submissive waifus with flat chests kawaii voices and short girls
That's utterly fucked up and cringy.
>i feel like he will end up getting with some asian girl or end up not finding me attractive anymore.
If you go for tourism there's little chance he'll get with a girl or even have a one night stand unless you go clubbing every night. And being in Japan should make him realize ugly Japanese people exist anyways.
In general, a yellow fever is a huge red flag. There are a few Japanese girls in my uni and you can bet they all get asked out a lot, even if they're completely average looking. The guys who like them are most often creepy dorks, mostly with a lack of confidence. Guys like that are utterly delusional and think the only reason why they're single is because girls are sluts/bitches, and that sweet Japanese girls would never act like that to them.
Please don't lower yourself to the standards of such creeps, you shouldn't be sad about not getting attention from those kinds of people.
Basically everything >>57078
It's the autistic retards you hang out with making you feel like trash. An asian girl would equally feel bad if she was hanging out on /pol/ all the time or with alt-right losers who constantly spout how white women are master race goddesses who need to be protected.
Try to surround yourself with people who manage their geeky obsessions in a healthy manner and don't heavily project it onto others.
thank you so much for this i thought i was crazy for getting upset over this but that's a good way of looking at it >>57125
ive talked to my bf about this before and he reassures me and stuff it's nice but i still find myself worrying in the back of my mind because of my low self esteem. in the end i think it'll be okay though! thank you
>>57138>Do you think those things would put him off
Not really, and even they did, unless he's a complete asshole he shouldn't comment on them. He'll probably be curious about that scar but I wouldn't fear much more. Also if these veins are only on one side of your boobs he might not even notice, plus if you really feel uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with keeping a bra or sexy lacey top on during sex. Maybe tell him beforehand though so you don't ruin the mood by saying no when he tries to get you out of it.
>Any tips for how to worry less about my scars and veins
I'd say try not to think of them but that's not easy I suppose. Also understand most people have weird bodies and visible scars/veins/stretch marks somewhere that they feel bad about but there's no reason to be ashamed of them, you're not a model and that's fine. Even models don't have perfect skin anyways.
File: 1490718529318.jpg (12.07 KB, 350x168, Pale-blue-costume-contact-lens…)
i got coloured contact lenses
the only thing is
my vision is blurry when wearing them
i think i can see the inside of the coloured bit of the lens????
can someone tell me if its normal this is my first time wearing contact lenses
they feel comfortable its just that they make my goddamn vision blurry
seconding what >>57175
said. i have problems where contacts make my vision worse if my eyes are dry and im tired, but they are perfectly see through. you shouldn't be seeing anything tbh, and the lenses themselves should be super thin.
where did you get your contact from anon, or what brand is it?
once you get it over with, it'll be a million times easier to handle and you'll forget it's even there, and you'll wonder why you were being so neurotic in the first place
Nothing wrong with this unless your last sentence:>I was gonna go and have fun anyway because I haven't been to a concert in forever
was phrased kind of dickish, because of the "anyway". Not sure what you're worried about?
I was paraphrasing for you guys, I just said to her, "aw, sounds good I'll just go and have fun, haven't been to a concert in forever"
I just care about making sure we should still be friends, since my past experience (shit tier experience from high school) girls I liked and I couldn't get along after things didn't work out.
I was bulimic from age 16-22, became extremely underweight in college, had a mental breakdown from childhood PTSD, got into therapy, put on anti-depressants that made me manic and put on literally 100lbs over the next few years, diagnosed bipolar2, off those meds onto mood stabilizers-
Finally seeing things clearly for a year. Still fat, still eating disordered (I don't purge anymore) and now I feel extremely depressed all day about being fat on top of everything else.
Whenever I diet it sends me into binges eventually and I gain the weight back because like I said, I don't purge. I've been trying for a year. I'm vegan, eat healthy (unless I'm super depressed then sometimes I order out) and I count calories but I always inevitably binge. It's so hard not to purge but I don't want to go back to that, I don't want my teeth to fall out or other worse things. The problem is, I have never lost weight without my eating disorder before so I don't know how.
Does anyone have any advice?
Have you tried talking to a nutritionist/dietitian? and a therapist for your ed
Are you sure you're eating enough? That's usually what makes people binge. They tend to cut off too many calories too fast.
Best of luck anon
I don't have enough money to see a nutritionist at the moment, I'm already seeing a neurologist and an ophthalmologist for an unrelated problem so I can't fit in another specialist at the moment but you're right, I should definitely look into that.
I am seeing a therapist but I haven't told her about my eating issues out of fear I guess. We've got a lot to work through about my trauma and bipolar and I feel kind of insecure about my ED when it comes to doctors which is stupid, I know.
When I'm dieting I do restrict quite low but I guess it's because I'm so desperate to stop being fat. I know logically it's probably making me binge more but I just hate being this size in the meantime, it's mental agony.
Vegan food isn't automatically low-calorie, I wish it was lol.
I'd LOVE to keep my kitchen free of breads/pastas/fake meats/cheeses etc but my boyfriend eats like a horse and it's not going to work.
Maybe it is about discipline. I don't know how I used to have the discipline to go on 7 day water fasts, exercise until I fainted and never eat anything over 100 calories but it used to be automatic to me.
Now my discipline is just: remember something my mother did to me as a child- oops I'm eating a sandwich and crying
I love hummus but for some reason I just don't trust the nutritional labels on it, there is no way it's as low-cal as some companies say it is.
Sometimes I compare brands and the difference can be 3x as much between them for very very similar ingredients. I guess I'm just paranoid because it tastes so great.
don't hold your pee in (pee every 2 hours)
clean the area with only water ( no soap )
cranberry pills can help
Sounds like he's implying she wouldn't get sexy with him often enough and that's why she was a ~frigid bitch~ or some shit.
Not trying to be rude but I hate guys who talk like that about their exes
Either she had a low drive and/or he was being a prick and pressuring her into sex constantly. Gross.
he didn't talk about her like that no, we were arguing about her and I found it hard to accept that back then he had been the frigid one and that surely he must have been all over her
He's a virgin, he's not a sex pressurer either, or at least not to my knowledge.
>>56895>right now he is doing the typical Japanese ignore when upset.
They actually do this?
Asian/White relationships are always doomed for these sorts of reasons. Everyone believes they're going to be the one who proves the exception to the rule because their partner is "different", or they're "different" (or both).
But the thing to remember is that the older people get, the more traditional they become. What I mean by this is they start to become more like their parents and embody the values of whatever wider group they're a part of.
I didn't really know much about Japanese culture or anything before him but I found out from others it is 'typical'. he says he is not ignoring me but that he is "thinking".
we have a 10 year age difference if this adds to the story.
he always seemed to be very 'americanized' so i thought he would be more like an american guy…as stupid as this sounds. He never seemed like a "traditional" guy because he told me he didn't believe in a lot of Japanese traditions and he disproved of Japanese society in a few ways…But recently he was asking how I feel about being a housewife randomly so I think he still has some traditional values.
as per the 'argument' we had he said he does not care if i talk to guys, he said he was upset that i "lied' by saying i did not when i was talking to mutual friend. he said that he understood that to me it was a lie but to him it was and that was why he was upset.
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This is gonna sound a bit weird but eh…
I was raised in a very Christian and strict household but now that I'm older I want to experience a nice sexual life before I settle down someday. That means I wanna get D (and pussy if possible). Not necessarily get so much sex I won't be able to walk for a couple days or get into threesomes every weekend, but you know what I mean. I want a bit of variety and to break free a little from my life of celibacy.
I'm bisexual (and biromantic if you're looking for labels) but I haven't had sex in a year and never been with a male, only with a woman. I spent way too long pursuing a LDR and lost my already shitty IRL romance skills.
I don't even know how to approach people to have sex lol god, I sound dumb as fuck typing this out but it is true. The only time I had sex was with one of my good friends and she was curious to have sex with a woman do it gradually happened.
I'm not a NEET (I have a sucky job and a degree), but I'm pretty much a shut in and shy girl due to how I was raised. I can't fathom the thought of going to a club to hit on people or get hit on by people, or similar stuff.
I'm also living with my family at the moment because of financial reasons, so I'd have to do things low-key because they're all super religious and I'd like to avoid trouble with them because things would be pretty rough if they kicked me out (especially money wise $$)
I was so desperate last year that I almost had sex with one of my friends but he has a girlfriend. I gave up in the last minute.
I've been losing weight (dieting) and will start working out soon because I want to feel more desirable in the future. Tbh that's also one of the reasons why I didn't fuck my friend: he had a girlfriend he was living with AND my self esteem was really bad.
It's like… I only know how to seduce people if we're friends already ughhh and I don't want that, I barely even have friends anyway.
Sometimes I go through weeks and phases of thinking I shouldn'tdo that because God this, god that, even know I have no faith. It's like… Deep in my brain due to my upbringing. So having some fun protected sex would help set me free, I hope. I also want to enjoy what I didn't enjoy in my late teens to early 20s (I'm almost in my mid twenties now, I'm 24.)
Hopefully this wasn't too confusing
… Thanks if anyone tries to help.
From experience: Don't use sex to fix things. Anything. Sex isn't going to set you free and the majority of sex (especially hookups) are too disappointing to be "freeing".
I was raised Christian too and I'm not anymore lol, but what helped me feel free from my ridiculous upbringing was finding meaning in my life that had nothing to do with god. Like relationships, friends, hobbies, jobs, university, house-sharing. These are all freeing because they made me feel more independent.
Hooking up was as temporary as dropping acid for me, awesome for a night but it landed me right back into a shitty strict family that wouldn't let me do what I wanted (and I regretted what I did the night before lmao)
Anyway, there's nothing wrong with getting into relationships with your friends (I've been with my best friend for 6 years now) but don't fuck around too close to your friend group. If it's going to cause a rift between friends and cause fights (and split up relationships?? what the hell were you thinking lmao??) then your sex life is too inbred with your friendships. You gotta make NEW friends and go to parties. I'm shy as fuck and the only way I meet interesting people is either through university, friends of friends or being part of (local) groups online that share the same interests and have meetups eg. art.
Only then can you find someone decent to fuck lol.
>>57306>>57301>>Asian/White relationships are always doomed for these sorts of reasons.
Nah, anon this is definitely a Japanese thing.
But seriously, Japanese guys are the worst. Most of them act like spoiled children if they don't get their way, and they are stingy AF. Unless you are obsessed with Japan and need a green card, you'll get tired of this immature shit FAST.
File: 1490961470949.jpg (20.86 KB, 640x237, Frisco-Texas-eye-contacts.jpg)
Any anons that wear (prescription) contacts?
I used to wear them but couldn't continue because one of my eye lid got constantly dry near the tear duct area which made wearing them a pain in the ass. I also have astigmatism which made them more expensive compared to standard ones. Would like to give them another chance tho.
Is there anything I can do about the dryness? Eye drops maybe? Can you apply it without your eye watering and ruining your makeup?
Any advice about contacts would be appreciated <3
File: 1491042814140.jpg (827.65 KB, 2560x1536, 20170401_100443.jpg)
This is my eyebrows without plucking and the rest
I'm very new to eyebrow care- what shape should I pluck and arch them and how do I use makeup on them? I don't know what kind of brow would compliment me at all ;-;
your eyebrows are nice and full, dont fuck with them by changing their natural shape. just pluck the sparse hairs that are below that line where the hair stops being full and starts going sparse. it's pretty clear imo.
i dont think you even need makeup on them, i think filling them in will make them look too much but if you want that instaglam defined brow (which is quickly becoming outdated, tho) then just use a brow powder and brush or brow pencil that matches your hair color and fill in the brow. it's like coloring in the lines.
Aah really? thank you! I'll follow their natural shape and just go from there and not overdo it- cheers!
So pluck at the ones underneath? what should I do about the ones on the inside where the bridge of my nose starts? should I pluck those too?
idk anon, I agree they aren't much better, but my experience is that they at least aren't so stingy and can act like normal human beings lol
Of course there are much better choices in the world (or Asia if you like asian guys) than either Japanese or Korean…I personally wouldn't date a Japanese or
Korean guy though.
I like Japanese and Korean societies, just not the men as more than friends lol>>57428
I don't have experience with dating guys from all Asian countries, but Chinese, Vietnamese, and Singaporean are the best choices for male partners in my experience.
Never dated a guy from a developing/lesser developed Asian country except Thailand and Mongolia, and they seem in between Japanese/Korean and my opinion of the best choices. Don't know anything about Filipinos, Malaysians, Taiwanese, or Indonesians for dating though.
I seriously think Japanese and Korean guys are only popular because of anime and kpop. Not trying to offend anyone, just sharing my experiences…although I've only met 1 person happily married to a Japanese man and even my Japanese female friends don't want to date their own men so yeah lol.
I don't just date Asians although I pretty much only date educated Africans (from Western Africa) and Chinese (or similar places like Hong Kong). They are more physically attractive to me than other races, but appearance don't matter too much to me. I find Japanese/Koreans attractive physically, but won't date them anymore because of their behaviors (don't treat women very well).
I like the cultures of the guys I date, and my exes (usually broke up with them only because I moved) have been really wonderful partners (romantic, generous, sweet, faithful, smart, rich, marriage-oriented).
I'm guessing you're African?
Generally I find that asians and white/European people are mismatched. Europeans like open displays of affirmation and love and this makes East Asians uncomfortable.
I'm surprised you say Japanese are worse than Chinese men though. Cheating on your wife with a mistress is more or less de facto accepted practice for men in Singapore and south east Asian Chinese diaspora. Same with mainlanders. Wives are expected to tolerate it.
I'm white American, but have lived in a lot of countries.
Maybe the men who date outside their race/cultures from these countries are less likely to cheat etc. or because they come from wealthier backgrounds. Idk but I've definitely found they defy the stereotypes. I'm not very touchy-feely, but my exes loved public displays of affection and were pretty forward about their feelings so who knows lol
I did notice what you are saying still applied even when I dated Japanese or Koreans though. It's just weird haha, but either way the anon here who said her Japanese long-distance boyfriend ignores her after petty arguments probably should move on from him (imagine being married and having kids with someone like that..)
That's wishful thinking. A lot of Korean men view white women as sluts. Same with Chinese men. Japanese men in general behave with a bit more decorum. And the wealthier the person in a Chinese society the more accepted and expected it is for them to cheat.
I wouldn't sleep with any African just give the sky high rates of std and because I find their facial features quite unattractive. Plus men from my own background wouldn't want anything to do with me afterwards, I remember going through a yellow fever phase as a teen was enough to get a warning from my dad about the reality of how cultural differences can come up in ways you never expect (sexless marriages in Asia being acceptable practice and widespread is probably the one I was most surprised by). To each their own though.
Why are you so upset? I didn't insult anyone. The STD rates are objectively huge in that part of the world and the comment about facial features is my own subjective opinion.
I think what snapped me out of my yellow fever phase was the idea of kids. I don't want to be the only white person in my family when I'm 40 odd.
Experience isn't wishful thinking anon.
Sorry your dad was against dating other races/cultures. My parents are totally cool with it as long as the guy treats me well and is educated. But yeah, to each their own.
When I was younger I cursed my dad for that so much but now I'm older I get what he means. He just wants me to be safe and loved and with someone who doesn't view me as a fetish.
I actually did briefly date (read: hold hands for a while and eat out together a couple of times with) with a overseas Korean. The funny thing is that during the second dinner date he saw a white guy with an Asian girl at the table over from ours and spent the entire evening ranting about how much he hated quite guys dating Asian girls. Completely oblivious. Like something out of a sketch show kek.
I disagree on this point. You have to look at the people who have been married a while in places like the far east. Among late 30 something white men and women not many of them are happy, at least the ones I encountered in Japan.
My feeling is people tend to get on better with their own people unless they have some form of explicit or latent self hatred. White men who obsess over asian women hate themselves and have low self esteem. Same with white women. When I used to obsess over Japanese and Korean men I was at a low ebb in my life. The fantasy presented to me by their media seemed so attractive and the men seemed so refined, but it's all fake deep down. Asians are not interested in romance, they're interested in marriage as a quid pro quo exchange of tangible and material things. Perhaps our take on marriage is more delusional and unreachable but it's more appealing to me as a person.
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Hi Amy, you're more than welcome to vent here and you can be anon and feel safer, but remember that we can only give you advice and point you in the direction of services relating to abuse
A starting point is here, so first of all, are you comfortable going into more detail about your situation? People won't judge you here and everyone on the advice threads are lovely and also really honest so hopefully you'll feel safe here.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through abuse and depression problems right now, as an abuse survivior myself I really feel for you. Let's try and figure out the first steps to what to do okay?
You are no bother at all.
I don't believe any of you can point me to the services since I don't live in NA or EU.
I can probably start by commenting what happened this year, that won't require much depth into my past, even though it might get confusing, but I don't know when it could get confusing so you will have me to ask about stuff you didn't understand.
For the last 6 or 7 months I've been dealing with a perverted old person who legally owns the house I live in even though the original owner himself didn't want to let his things go to that person.
This person was coming to the place I sleep in to masturbate while I was sleeping, after I caught what was happening this person tried to act like nothing was happening, I told my mother about what happened and she started acting like I probably didn't get what was happening, even though it was so close I could hear the person orgasming loud enough to wake me up twice in a week. This person is now trying to put the whole family against me and I'm having no support from my family or friends, days ago this person started complaining to other people about me constantly closing the window when it passed near my window.
I already went through a lot of shit since 2011 and every time I realize I'm going through this kind of absurd shit I start having panic attacks because I have no idea how to deal with this.
The person is about 81 years old, so it can't be arrested. The person can't be kicked out of the house legally so even if I legally win the battle, I would have to leave the house, therefore I would become homeless since I have no job or income.
All of this makes my depression get worse, I've been considering suicide for years now due to a lot of things that happened, I go in and out of crisis, every time I get out of one I start thinking it was stupid to consider suicide, everytime I enter one I start thinking it is stupid to keep going on when I only had abusive relationships, a mother that thinks everything is fine just because she pays some medicine I use, even though she was completely incompetent to teach their kids about sexual abuse and blamed me for what happened to me when I was a kid.
Spent years thinking what happened was something a father would normally do and it was probably ok because I didn't understand.
I was locked inside my house until I was 14, older relatives walked with me to school and back, when I was 14 these adults allowed me to walk half of the way to the school, so I used that to go through places I never knew existed.
When I was a kid I was in love with a girl that lived right near my house but I couldn't spend time with her because I was locked inside my house, I though that was normal, I don't think that is normal anymore, I'm still here, I'm not locked anymore, but I also have nowhere to go because I have difficulties with social interactions, I still don't know how that works naturally for other people, but to be fair I don't expect to, I was only able to talk to strangers when I was 17, and only through online stuff, when I tried to date a boy I liked in 2009 I still had to use my cellphone to write down things for him to see, phrases that normal people would say to each other, but I couldn't because I didn't know how to do that. He though I was weird for writing things down on the phone even though we were on the same room. I wrote too much.
First of all, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, I don't know what services are avaliable in your country but really, your family should be on your side through this.
I don't understand why this man's age prevents him being arrested or why he can't be kicked out legally, at the least, he should be given some kind of sentence, or at least in the UK indecent exposure and masturbation of that kind counts as a sexual offense.
Have you tried approaching your mother since? She needs to understand that antidepressants are not a fix for depression itself, but it sounds like she was negligent during your upbringing. Do you have any other relatives or trusted people you can turn to? I know there's confidential phonelines and services, you just need to look for them. You've got internet access and a phone so from there, quietly do your research.
Are you in contact with the original owner? it sounds like they could help you, at least to an extent because they seemed hesitant about this man owning the house. They could also be someone outside your family who will listen to you.
Meanwhile, see if you can get some proof. Someone as a witness, or set up a camera or a recording device overnight in your room somewhere as discreet as possible. Then you take the evidence of this man and you can report him to authorities, there is no way a landlord or house owner can get away with that kind of behaviour.
It also means you have ammunition if he tries to turn your family against you. Something proving he is not to be trusted.
If you're worried about homelessness and jobs, as another resort, could you sign for a job centre kind of place? Somewhere that will help you find work, agencies that will help you get a job even with little experience so even if it is a retail or starting job, you can save up, get the hell out and pay rent. If your family are that toxic you can start fresh and cut them off and live somewhere safer and get to know a local community that will hopefully keep you safe, and then nobody is keeping you trapped like a princess in a castle anymore.
Please don't kill yourself anon, I know it's hard but you should aim to live long enough that you see yourself get out of this mess and have a future you always dreamed of. You're not a bother and you're worth it.
In my country you can't be arrested if you are over 70-75, I don't remember the exact age.
I talk to my mother sometimes, mostly because she approaches me asking for help with random crap.
The original owner is dead.
I can't set up a camera, and my mother built basically a wall of useless shit in the middle of the room, shit that she keeps around for no reason, says I can't complain about it because it doesn't in the way of me using the computer.
since October I changed my sleeping schedule, I try not to sleep at night, which is the time this person used to come down to the room I sleep in.
This person has a bed of it's own, comes to my room with the excuse that setting up the bed on it's room would be annoying.
It is pointless to sign for those places, last time I tried it was february, got rejected for being trans and therefore not having the profile employers want.
The family knows this person can't be trusted, from playing the victim to neighbors to committing social security fraud, the family knows this person is a piece of shit, they just don't want to go against this person because it is their mother.
Which is why my mother asks me to ignore everything through the argument of "the person is old", like being old is an excuse for disgusting behavior.
If I leave this house I won't talk to these people, either through death or a miracle. Blood relatives have proven they are just a burden for me with their excuses for shady shit happening for years.
Rent is expensive here, while the common salary is 1200-1300 unities of currency for common people, the rent is at least 600, with the requirement of a relative with a fixed house backing up the deal in case you can't pay for some time down the line.
Getting out of this mess alive is only worth it depending on how it happens, I think I am getting too old to have a chance at my dream job, and I can't do it in this country anyway, which makes it a stupid dream to begin with.
Do you have any education? Can you find a job anywhere? Do you speak Spanish? If so, you can start applying for jobs online. They can probably do a Skype interview. Sounds like your family is abusive and dysfunctional, so your best bet would be to try and find a way out. Even if you have to take out loans, going to university could be a good way out, plus it would be easy to get a job far away afterward.
Sorry to hear about your situation Amy. I hope the creepy old guy dies soon so he can rid the world of his filthiness.
I abandoned school in 2008, getting death threats from thugs for not working for free to them was the last straw.
I don't get the question about speaking spanish.
There are no loans, education here doesn't work like in the US, public universities have tests, people who pass get "free" education, which is why 60% of the people who pass are already rich since they have time to study while the rest works while trying to find openings to study for the tests.
There is no student loan system, depending on how much you earn the town hall accepts to pay a percentage of the monthly payment you would to to a private university, that means you need to be working and earning enough to pay the town hall back all the money they used on you, it is not a loan because you are supposed to pay while also studying, like if it's 600 a month, they pay 200, and you pay 50 to them, 400 to the institution.
It is quite a weird system.
I can't go to the university because I abandoned school. Homeschooling is a crime so it doesn't matter if you learned stuff outside of school.
Only rich universities have campuses where you can stay away from your family, normal ones work just like the standard school, so you need to travel there and back everyday.
I don't think I would go to university anyway, there is nothing there for me.